Ryan and Alicia's Adoption Site

Babble

2011-10-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

My younger sister Melanie writes for Babble at Being Pregnant. She and her husband have infertility struggles of their own as well and she writes about that. She is currently doing a series called Real Women's Stories. It features different women and their infertility journey and hope. My story was featured recently of a success of adoption.
You can read it here

Here is another great story about Sarah and Chance's adoption: "I know people say that, ‘Well it’s different when they’re your own.’ It doesn’t matter. They don’t have to be blood. She was mine.”

Also have you ever wondered about adoptive breastfeeding? My story of this was also featured. You can read it here.

Bust a Myth

2011-04-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. RESOLVE has encouraged people to bust some myths surrounding infertility and I decided to weigh in.

Myth #1: "So and so had cancer and they were able to have 3 children after."

I know that you are well meaning, but this is not our case. It kind of hurts when people say this. It is almost like saying to a cancer patient, "My aunt had cancer and died last year." You don't want to hear that. Ryan's cancer was probably very different than so and so and because of that we are never going to be able to have biological children.

Myth #2 "Just adopt and then you will get pregnant."

First off, don't ever say JUST adopt. Deciding to adopt should be proceeded by many serious discussions. It is not easy. There are mounds of paperwork that need to be filled out and it took us months and months to finally get approved. After we were approved there was a lot of time that went by that nothing happened and we were on an emotional roller coaster. We have been blessed with a miracle named Lucas and his amazing birth family, but it didn't come until after a lot of time and trial.
Secondly, not everyone that adopt gets pregnant. I know that there are couples that do and that is amazing, but we hear about those stories because they are amazing. There are plenty more couples that adopt and never get pregnant.

Infertility is something that I will always deal with. Yes, I know that we have been so blessed and that we have a perfect little baby now, but infertility creeps up on me every so often and I have to find ways to deal with it. Adoption is not a cure for infertility, it is a cure for childlessness. There is a quote by Barbara Eck Manning that says:

My infertility resides in my heart as an old friend. I do not hear from it for weeks at a time, and then, a moment, a thought, a baby announcement or some such thing, and I will feel the tug-maybe even be sad or shed a few tears. And I think, "There's my old friend." It will always be part of me...

We have been "lucky" in a sense that we know the cause of our infertility and that we haven't had the month to month disappointment. We still deal with it sometimes and it still hurts, not as much, but it is still there at times.

After I told someone last week that Lucas was adopted she asked if I had children of my own too. I took a deep breath in and said that he is ours and that he is our miracle. Look at that face, he is a miracle and we are so grateful for his wonderful birth family.

Adoption Story

2011-02-02T17:40:00.000-08:00

My sister sent me this link about a mother who talks about adoption. It is a great interview. I really enjoyed reading it.

This is a quote from it:

"There’s a quote that says, “Adoption is about stewardship, not ownership.” I love it! Having our kids sealed, I don’t feel like we cut them off from their birth families, but that we’ve added their birth families to our family. We are all stewards of our children. We don’t own them. They are all Heavenly Father’s children. The sealing power is not going to cut off their extended family–it’s like we’re all this big huge family."

Awesome. I love adoption. Meanwhile I am nibbling on this adorable boy:

Lucas is the best

2011-01-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

Lucas is a great, great, great baby.

New Posts on his blog if you are curious!

Angel

2010-12-13T16:56:00.000-08:00

There are no words for how precious this little guy is!

Big weekend

2010-12-09T19:53:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow we are going to the courthouse and finalizing our adoption! He will be officially ours. The name on his birth certificate now says Baby Boy Z. and so it will be changed to Lucas Alexander N.

On Saturday we are going to take Lucas to the temple and be sealed to him! Ryan's dad is in the temple presidency and will be able to perform the sealing.

On Sunday he will be blessed in our church.

It is going to be the best weekend ever. We have family members from very far here and are so happy that they can share with us this very special time. We are so excited!

Baby We Were Meant For Each Other

2010-12-03T18:12:00.000-08:00

While I was waiting to come home after the adoption my sister had checked out this book from the library. I started reading it and after reading about 30 pages, I knew that it was a book that I wanted to have. It is a great book about adoption.

The author is a host on NPR. This is a great article about him and this book. He shares the journey for he and his wife as they struggle with infertility, make the decision to adopt, and then travel to China to adopt his two daughters.

Here is an excerpt from the book:

"Adoption is a miracle. I don't mean just that it's amazing, terrific, and a wonderful thing to do. I mean that it is, as the dictionary says, "a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of divine agency."

My wife and I, not having had children in the traditional, Abraham-and-Sarah-begat manner, have learned to make jokes about the way we've had our family. ("Pregnant! Why would you do that? Those clothes! And you can't drink for months!") Jokes are sometimes the only sensible answer to some of the astoundingly impertinent questions people can ask, right in your children's faces. "How much did they cost? Are they healthy? You know, you hear stories. So why did you go overseas? Not enough kids here?" But we cannot imagine anything more remarkable and marvelous than having a stranger put into your arms who becomes, in minutes, your flesh, your blood: your life. There are times when the adoption process is exhausting and painful and makes you want to scream. But, I am told, so does childbirth."

I recently read another book called Fairest. It was an entertaining book and kept my attention, but what made me so happy was when the main character, Aza, is talking to a gnome. Aza had been left at an inn when she was a baby. The innkeepers took her in and raised her with their other children. She says as she is showing off a skill that only she can do, "No one else can do it, perhaps my birth family would be able to."
The gnomes asks, "The innkeepers are not your true parents?"
And she answers, "They're my true parents, but not my birth parents."

Hooray for adoption!

Baby Shower

2010-11-23T11:52:00.000-08:00

My sister, Melanie, was in town this weekend for the purpose of snuggling with Baby Lucas and throwing him a shower. She is amazing. She loves throwing parties and is so good at it. You can check out her blog for Part 1 and Part 2 of the shower.

It was a great party. So many people came and were so nice. He was given so many wonderful things. Lucas is loved by so many. He was a perfect baby the entire shower as he was passed around. We had a fabulous time! Thanks Mel, you are the best!

National Adoption Month

2010-11-08T20:02:00.001-08:00

November is National Adoption Month!

We love our little guy so much. We are so grateful for adoption. We are grateful to Lucas' amazing birth parents who placed him with us. It is a miracle.

Hopefully adoption will be an option for more and more people.

A quote from Elder Russell M. Nelson from a talk that he gave about abortion:

Why destroy a life that could bring great joy to others? There are better ways of dealing with an unwanted pregnancy. When a life is created by sinful behavior, the best way to begin personal repentance is to preserve the life of that child. To add another serious sin to a serious sin already committed only compounds the grief. Adoption is a wonderful alternative to abortion. Both the baby and the adoptive parents can be greatly blessed by the adoption of that baby into a home where the child will be lovingly nurtured and where the blessings of the gospel will be available.

“We … express our support of unwed parents who place their children for adoption in stable homes with a mother and a father. We also express our support of the married mothers and fathers who adopt these children.

“Children are entitled to the blessing of being reared in a stable family environment where father and mother honor marital vows. Having a secure, nurturing, and consistent relationship with both a father and a mother is essential to a child’s well-being. When choosing adoption, unwed parents grant their children this most important blessing. Adoption is an unselfish, loving decision that blesses the child, birth parents, and adoptive parents in this life and throughout the eternities. We commend all those who strengthen children and families by promoting adoption.”

Sneak Peek

2010-10-30T22:17:00.000-07:00

Ryan's sister, Marianne, is an amazing photographer. She took some pictures of Lucas yesterday and they turned out so well.

This morning as I was feeding Lucas, I turned to Ryan and asked if he could have gotten cuter since the last time I fed him, because I think he was!

Home Sweet Home

2010-10-26T20:44:00.000-07:00

Calm baby with all the commotion of meeting family

Jane (18 months) and Lucas

Happy Grandparents!

Our happy family

We made it home! Lucas was so great for the flight. He ate as we were taking off, then slept, and ate as we were landing. We were so happy we had a direct flight (and only because some sweet talking by Ryan to a customer service employee). We had many family members come to see Lucas at the airport and then also he met some other aunts, uncles, and cousins after.

We are so happy to be home!

I started another blog for Lucas and his updates.

One week old

2010-10-21T12:00:00.001-07:00

Lucas is one week old and is doing great. We feel so blessed to have him in our family. He is a great baby. Ryan had to go home on Monday, but will be back Friday. We can't wait! It has been hard being apart. We celebrated our 4th anniversary yesterday apart, so hopefully we will have a chance to celebrate it together.

We just got cleared by the Interstate Child Placement Compact (ICPC-adoption laws between the states) and so even though we could have gone home yesterday, we are waiting until Sunday. We are so excited to go home and our families couldn't be more thrilled!

We love baby Lucas!

The Lucas Alexander story

2010-10-17T20:08:00.001-07:00

Tuesday was my last day of work. I was so happy to be done and have a few days to get ready before I left for the baby. I slept in a little, exercised, and after I showered, Julie called. She told us that she would text us after her appointment. She was crying and scared because the doctor was nervous that the baby wasn't growing. They did a ultrasound and decided that she needed to go to the hospital and be induced. I asked her what she wanted me to do, and I said that we would get on the next plane. I called Ryan and he was just about to go into a test. He said that he would take his test and then immediately come home. I don't think he remembers anything on his test. I called my sister Nicole, she didn't answer, I texted her, she didn't answer. I needed someone, I was so stressed and trying to figure out what to do. I was so excited, but I was having a breakdown. I called Nicole again and she answered and said she would be over to help pack. Ryan's mom headed over as well. We got things packed and figured out a flight that worked well and didn't cost as much as we would have thought for being the same day. Ryan got home and we got everything ready. We got a call from the airline, the plane was delayed which meant we would miss our connecting flight. She said that we could stay overnight in Phoneix or leave the next day. I told her that the baby we were adopting was coming today and I needed to get there asap. She worked on getting me a ticket on another airline, it left an hour later, and got us there earlier, and it didn't cost the $1300 that it was online. We flew and surprisingly enough, I slept on the plane (I can sleep anywhere, anytime). When we landed in Salt Lake for our 45 minute layover, I got a text...Julie was at a 7. We had the next flight and got on thinking that by the time we landed the baby could have been born. We landed at 11:26 and I got a text saying the baby had been born. I called immediately. He had been born at 10:06 and was 5 lbs 13 oz. We got some pictures texted to us. He was so precious We were so excited. And so happy that baby and Julie were healthy.

We ran to the rental car place. We had made a reservation for a rental and we told them our situation and they upgraded us to a bigger car. (We saw the same girl that upgraded us today when we dropped off the car and showed her Lucas, she was very excited). We punched the hospital address into the GPS and headed over to the hospital. We met up with Julie's mom and she brought us into see Julie and the baby. It was such a beautiful sight. We couldn't stop smiling. It was amazing! We stayed for an hour or so. We talked about names and Julie mentioned that she really liked Lucas. One of our top names was Luke. We headed to my aunt and uncle's house around 2:30. We were in bed, but neither of us were asleep. Julie texted us at 3:30 saying that she had a long conversation with the baby and he liked the name Luke or Lucas. Ryan had just been thinking about Lucas and that is when we decided that was to be his name.

The next day was a very long day. We got to the hospital and there were a string of many visitors all day long. Scottie, the birth father, was there and we got to meet him and spend the whole day with him. We met so much of Julie's family as well as Scottie's. It was amazing. We talked about open adoption and how Lucas has so many people that love him so much. Scottie's mom and sister were just crying so much. They didn't think that they would ever see this little guy again. It was very emotional intense, but they really like us and believe that we will be great parents to Lucas. We had some alone time with Scottie and he told us that he had made the decision to place and was happy with his decision. He really liked us and said that it couldn't have been anyone else. It was a long and wonderful day. We were emotionally drained.

The nursing staff was so great. They all were aware of the adoption plan and accomodated us and made Julie so comfortable. We were so impressed. We spent the next several hours with Julie and no one else came. Lucas had his circumsion, so it was just Julie and Ryan and I. We had a great talk. She is amazing. We love her so much. Her caseworker came and she had to sign some papers saying that she was releasing custody to the agency since the placement paperwork couldn't be signed until 72 hours after the birth. It was a very emotional time and started feeling very real as Julie and I got him dressed and in his car seat.

We went out to eat with Julie and her boyfriend to Dairy Queen so she could show Lucas off to her coworkers. As we said goodbye to her and left in the car, Ryan and I were both so emotional. There we were with this little tiny baby, that such a wonderful young woman had trusted in our care. Wow. We got to my aunt and uncle's and had some alone time, just the three of us. It was amazing. We love this little boy so much. We were able to calm down enough to have dinner and sing happy birthday to Lucas with my extended family. We packed up our stuff and headed to my sister Michelle's for the night. Lucas was so sleepy. I had to set my alarm to wake up to feed him. He is doing so great. We had a busy day today.

We had to find some premie clothes, go to target, take the car back to the rental place (we are borrowing a car from my aunt and uncle), and then Julie and her boyfriend came over to spend some time with Lucas and us. She is doing great. She looks so good for just having a baby, and she says that she is feeling good.

We went to breakfast with Scottie and his family. His mom, who prior to this was against the adoption, was so welcoming and was so happy that we were to be Lucas' parents. She wrote us a long letter expressing that she was happy it was us and that Scottie was making the right choice. It was so great.

We went to a church and did all the paperwork. On the way there, Julie texted us and said "I can't wait to see you all in a little bit! I'm so happy this day is finally here!! The day your family gets a baby. He was totally worth the wait I think!" Wow. We both just started bawling. We have been crying a lot the last few days.

Scottie came in first and we were the witnesses when he signed. Before he signed we gave him a plaster of Lucas' hand that is a Christmas ornament and a frame of a couple pictures of him and Lucas and Lucas' hand and foot print. He was so happy with it. He could barely open them, he was shaking so much. He signed and then left and he got to feed Lucas with Ryan as Julie signed.

Julie came in and had to sign a lot of papers. I was one of the witnesses and her boyfriend Ben. It was a very tender experience watching both Julie and Scottie sign because of their love for Lucas. I was so happy, but my heart was breaking for them. They are amazing. We love them so much. We gave Julie a similar gift and took some pictures and said goodbye.

Words cannot express what joy we are feeling right now as well as how our hearts are so sad for Julie and Scottie. This little boy is so lucky to have so many people who love him.

He is ours! We have been waiting for this miracle for so long and he is finally here. He was worth the wait! We couldn't have asked for a better adoption experience. This was amazing!

Birth parents

2010-10-17T18:51:00.000-07:00

Lucas loves his birth parents

"I love my birth mother"

Our adoption is so wonderful because of these two amazing people. The paperwork has been signed and our hearts are breaking for them. We love them so much. We love their families and are so happy to be apart of this miracle. We couldn't have asked for a better adoption. Lucas is one lucky boy to be loved by so many people.

He is way too cute!

2010-10-16T20:00:00.001-07:00

We had to go buy some premie clothes for him today because he is drowning in all his newborn outfits. This outfit is a newborn, but he is just so tiny!

Just pictures of Luke

2010-10-15T17:04:00.000-07:00

He's here!!! And early!!!

2010-10-14T21:22:00.000-07:00

Lucas Alexander

Born 10/13/10 10:06 pm

5lbs 13oz

20.5 inches

He is so cute! More details to come... stay tuned!

Last Day of Work

2010-10-10T11:38:00.000-07:00

Tuesday is my last day of work. I have been there for exactly 3 years. It has been a great job and I love everyone I work with. They threw me a baby shower and I was so surprised. They are so nice. I got so many great things for this little guy.

One of the doctors that I work with said that they are going to treat me like an athlete retirement: they are not going to replace me, just retire my number.

The other doctor I work with said that he is going to throw a tantrum when I do leave. I told him I could get a cardboard cutout of me and put it next to the x-ray machine. He said that he would just talk to the cardboard cutout and tell it that the new person doesn't do things like me and how he misses the real Alicia.

I will miss that place...but I know that I will love being a mom and this is what I have been dreaming of for so long!

Any day now! We have been in contact with the birth father and have enjoyed getting to know him. We are excited to meet him. "J" is doing great and is getting very anxious for this baby to come. She has been walking like crazy and doing squats and bouncing on a ball. She is so cute! We love her and can't wait to see her again. 8 days until the due date, but it really could be any day now!

Baby's room

2010-09-26T17:24:00.000-07:00

We have been putting together the baby's room for his arrival in about 3 weeks! Ryan painted the room with Bison Brown and Asparagus. We were so happy with how it turned out. We also painted the mirror frames the same asparagus color.

I am in search of the perfect chair to go in this corner. We went to a store yesterday and I may have sat in it. I still have to think about it. My little sister found this adorable print. It matches perfectly!

The countdown is on...only 22 days until his due date! We are making our flight plans and getting everything set. We are so excited!

Do you believe in miracles!?!? YEEESSSS!!!

2010-08-22T21:24:00.000-07:00

Sneak Peek: Wishing, dreaming, waiting, preparing, and anticipating. How perfect is that?!?

The same night I wrote this post a miraculous thing happened immediately afterwards! I got an email from one of my aunts. She said she knew of someone who looked at our blog and wants us to adopt her baby!

AMAZING!

I called her immediately and got more information even though it was late, there was just no way we were going to be able to sleep.

Three days later we got an email from this wonderful young woman. In the email we read the most amazing words: Please let me know if you can consider adopting my son. I know you will be a great choice.

Of course we would "consider" it!

We have been emailing "J" for over a month and have grown to love and adore her. This last weekend we flew to meet her and her family. It was better than we could ever have hoped for. We had such an awesome time getting to know her better and meeting her family. She is due October 18 with a baby boy. We couldn't be anymore excited! She framed this ultrasound picture and gave it to us as a gift. It left us completely speechless. That night we took it to bed with us. It is beautiful.

We feel so blessed. God remembered Rachel and God remembered us. Thank you for all your prayers on our behalf. We know that the Lord has been very mindful of us.

And God remembered Rachel

2010-07-15T09:48:00.000-07:00

This is something that I have been thinking a lot about the last few weeks. I have read this passage of scriptures in Genesis 29-30 and thought about what it means to me.

Jacob served Laban for seven years so that he could marry his daughter, Rachel. Laban kind of tricked Jacob and had him marry his other daughter Leah. Jacob worked another seven years ("and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had for her") in order to marry Rachel. Leah gave birth to three sons. Rachel envied Leah and said unto Jacob, "Give me children, or else I die." Leah subsequently bore two more sons and a daughter.

A quote from this talk by Elder Spencer J. Condie is:

"In this age of one-hour dry cleaning and one-minute fast food franchises, it may at times seem to us as though a loving Heavenly Father has misplaced our precious promises or He has put them on hold or filed them under the wrong name. Such were the feelings of Rachel.

"But with the passage of time, we encounter four of the most beautiful words in holy writ: "And God remembered Rachel" (Genesis 30:22). And she was blessed with the birth of Joseph and later the birth of Benjamin...When heaven's promises sometimes seem afar off, I pray that each of us will embrace these exceeding great and precious promises and never let go. And just as God remembered Rachel, God will remember you."

We have been trying to be parents for over three years. It hasn't happened yet. I have seen countless friends and family members have one or two children in the last few years, while we remain childless.

And God remembered Alicia. I have thought of three ways that this might happen.

1) We will become miraculously pregnant

2) We will be miraculously chosen by a courageous young woman to adopt her baby

3) I will miraculously change my dreams of being a mother and be content and feel complete with just the two of us.

The third one is probably the most difficult for me to believe will ever happen; I want to be a mother, I have always wanted to be a mother. I don't think that is ever going to change.

So that leaves me with the first two. Both would be miracles. We believe in miracles.

Every night as I fall asleep, I cross my fingers. I am always hoping that the next day will bring good news. Someday soon that good news will come.

God remembered Rachel. . . And God will remember us.

Good Things to Come

2010-06-27T11:23:00.000-07:00

"Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust in God and believe in good things to come." Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Good Things to Come

One Year

2010-06-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

Us at my Grandpa's 90th Birthday Party (hence the 90! Pin)

June 15, 2009: we finally got the call that we were approved for adoption after what seemed like a long process to get all the paperwork, background checks, and homestudy done.

We were so excited to finally be approved and so anxious to see what would happen next.

June 15, 2010: One year. 365 days. 52 weeks. 12 months. Approved and searching.

I don't really know what to say.

I am glad that we made it through this last year. We have learned a lot and grown even closer. But this last year was long and frustrating especially through the rollercoaster of emotions.

We are so happy. We feel so blessed. We have been promised numerous times that we will be parents. We are still unsure of when that will happen, but we are very hopeful that it will be soon.

Thanks for all of your support and prayers. Please keep them coming. We really appreciate it. It means so much to us to have so many family members and friends behind us.

Buy a Frosty this weekend. And you can show your support for adoption.

Happy 90th Birthday Grandpa!

2010-06-03T22:10:00.001-07:00

We are heading to Seattle this weekend for my Grandpa's 90th Birthday bash. I love my Grandpa. He is so great. I love these old pictures of him. I just hope there is a big cake!

Lost

2010-05-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

Yep, I love Lost. Love it. We had a fun Lost watching party with Dharma (root) Beer, Dharma Cola, Apollo Bars. Oh and with great people! Fun times.

Vacation and Surgery

2010-05-15T18:29:00.000-07:00

We ran away last weekend to Vashon Island. We had a great time.

It was so beautiful and we just enjoyed being there together. We stayed in a nice little cottage on the harbor (the one in the middle with all the stairs).

Ryan had surgery on his shoulder a couple of days ago. It has been hurting for quite a few months and when he went to his doctor, we found out it is the same thing that happened to his hip joints. The blood is not flowing to it as well as it should and so there are parts of the bone that are dying. They went in a drilled a couple of holes to hopefully get the blood to flow it a little bit more. He is recovering well and will have to wear a sling for a few weeks.

A Blind Date started it all...

2010-05-06T07:43:00.000-07:00

Four years ago, Ryan and I went on our blind date. It soon turned into so much more. He is so wonderful and I am so grateful to have such an amazing husband.

He is such a great uncle, too. At Max and Henry's robot birthday party this is Ryan:

We have now had over 3,000 views on our profile (only about half are me, just kidding). And although we don't know when we will be parents, we are very excited for the future. I have a feeling that it will be someday soon.

We are going on a little trip this weekend. We are staying in a little cottage on an island in the Puget Sound. Of course we will be going to a Mariner game and do a lot of relaxing. It should be a great trip.

Good adoption press

2010-04-14T10:48:00.000-07:00

Here is a great article about adoption. Finally something positive about adoption in the press.

"Adoption is not what you think it is. It is not, as one well-meaning person told me, "an act of mercy." My wife and I did not adopt our daughter to "save" her or to demonstrate our innate goodness. We adopted her because we wanted a child and couldn't have one biologically. That's why we filled out endless reams of paperwork, underwent a background check, spent thousands of dollars we couldn't really afford.
Like our case, the vast majority of international adoptions end happily. Of course, you don't hear those stories."

This sounds a lot like how we feel and how all the couples I know that have adopted or are hoping to adopt feel. We are not "saving" our children, they are "saving" us.

Timeline

2010-03-27T16:20:00.000-07:00

May 6, 2006: Our first date

August 7, 2006: Ryan proposed

October 20, 2006: We got MARRIED!

April and May 2007: We decide to pursue in-vitro fertilization

May 25, 2007: First appointment with the doctor

June 2007: Start giving myself injections

July 3, 2007: Extraction of 11 eggs. We know there is a very small chance that the sperm will be able to fertilize any eggs.

July 5, 2007: The worst day ever. The IVF didn't work.

August 2007: We buy our first house

October 2007: I get a new job, phew-I didn't like my other job.

December 2007: We want to pursue adoption. LDS Family Services tell us that we have to wait until we have been married for two years.

Summer 2008: We look into the state's foster-adopt program, take some classes, and decide that this is not what we want to do.

November and December 2008: We turn in our adoption paperwork and our reference letters.

January 2009: First appointment with our caseworker.

January and February 2009: Fill out all the rest of the paperwork, put our profile together, make decisions about what preferences we have.

March 2009: Sell our house and move into our new house! Finish financial statement, background checks, fingerprints.

April 24, 2009: Home Study

May 2009: Utah background check (since I lived there in the last five years)

June 15, 2009: Finally we are approved! Our profile goes online. We get a new caseworker.

August 2009: We send out hundreds of pass along cards to family and friends.

October 20, 2009: Celebrate our 3rd anniversary by going on a cruise with my sister and her husband.

November 6-7, 2009: Adoption conference in Portland

January-February, 2010: Emotional roller coaster not ending the way we were hoping for.

March 2010: Slowly getting back to normal life. Hoping, praying, fasting that something will happen soon.

It has been almost 3 years since the IVF, and infertility still kicks my butt even when I don't expect it. I hate it. I am so happy that I have Ryan right by my side during all of this. He is such a great support. Ryan has been amazing and I don't think that I could have gotten through the last year without him. We are so happy together, even through the struggles. We are best friends. I don't know when things will happen, but I do know that if I have Ryan walking with me, we will be happy and strong to endure anything that comes our way.

Roller coaster

2010-02-21T18:33:00.000-08:00

Infertility and adoption have been an extreme roller coaster to say the least. We have been on this ride for almost 3 years.

Excuse me while I go throw up now.

The most recent roller coaster ride just ended.

Without going into details we are facing a loss right now from what looked like a very promising situation. We were planning and looking forward to it. We were hoping and praying.

But it fell through.

And the nursery that we thought was going to be occupied is now closed indefinitely.

We are now struggling to make sense of everything. It has been a very emotional few days. And I am sure that it will continue to be emotional as we grieve.

As we spoke with our caseworker, he emphasized that we will need to grieve and he likened it to a miscarriage or death. We attended the temple yesterday and felt peace and comfort with the decision that we made. And although we know that it is the right decision for our family there is still a lot of pain. We need to adjust the visions that we had for our family in the next few weeks, months, and years.

Ryan and I have cried together. But then we have looked at each other and said that we were going to be okay. We have been promised that we would be parents and we will be. We just don't know when that will happen. We need to trust Heavenly Father and that he has a plan for us. We have a great relationship. We have only grown closer through our infertility and adoption struggles. As I sobbed the other day I told Ryan that I didn't know why Heavenly Father thought I was strong enough for all of this. But now I know that I am. We will make it through okay. We may still be hurt and sad, but there is a baby and babies that are meant to come to our family and it will happen.

We will do everything, we will go through anything, and we will endure everything that we need to so that our children will come to our family.

Two tickets for the next ride please.

I heart the Olympics

2010-02-11T18:34:00.000-08:00

The Olympics start tomorrow. I am so excited. Also my 6 sisters and mom will be in town for the next few days. Awesome! And the party starts now!

Shabby Apple Giveaway

2010-02-09T09:43:00.000-08:00

My sister's blog is having a giveaway for this dress.

Check it out and comment and maybe you will win!

Growing up Adopted by Liz

2010-02-07T21:25:00.000-08:00

This is my cousin Liz. She was adopted when she was a baby.

Recently I asked Liz about how she felt about adoption. These are her comments and her amazing story about meeting her birth father last year:

I know this is a great subject and of great importance to you. I will tell you what I can now and if you want to ask more feel free.

I feel special about being adopted. I know it is weird, but I feel like just because someone gave me up doesn't mean they don't love me. It is because I know that Heavenly Father wanted me to go to a certain home. God's delay is not God's denial, and I know that you will get your turn soon enough.

I grew up knowing that I was adopted, and my mom and dad always made a point of telling me so that I would never question any love or doubt that this is where I was supposed to be in life.

Sometimes I would ask questions, and my parents would always seem to have the right answers for me. Since it was through LDS Family Services they had some non personal sheets of information about my birth parents that they would let me read, and tell me how special these people were to love me enough to let me go! Being a mom now they were so right. I could never let a child go!

In my eyes my parents did and said everything right!

I had the chance to meet my birth father just this past July, and it was a great time in my life. I cannot express how much I was grateful to him for doing this wonderful act for me, and for him being brave enough to come to my home with his mom and his 17 year old daughter to meet me and my family! We keep in contact through e-mail, facebook, and I have a wonderful relationship with him and my half-sister plus my grandma!

I feel blessed to have 3 Fathers who love me soo much and that is more than most ask for!

I wish you two the best and that all your prayers are answered!

Love, Liz

Olympic Countdown

2010-01-21T11:07:00.001-08:00

Only 22 days! 16 days of glory! I love love love the Olympics! I can't wait. We are going to have a big party and most of my sisters (hopefully all) will be in town to party!

Uncle Ry-Ry

2010-01-10T22:13:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T12:35:00.000-08:00

And His name shall be called Wonderful.

I am ever grateful for a baby that was born so long ago.

6 months closer

2009-12-15T20:06:00.000-08:00

Today is officially 6 months since becoming approved for adoption. Tonight we celebrated our infertility and that we are 6 months closer to becoming parents by going to dinner at Qdoba.

We got to babysit our 6-week-old nephew, Oliver, on Saturday. It was so fun to have a little baby in our home. He got lots of cuddle time and kisses. He was so sweet and happy. If I ask Santa for a baby like him, do you think he will bring me one?

We taught him to love football.

And the Mariners...which includes the Ken Griffey Jr doll that we have.

Ava, our 4-year-old niece, came to play and make cookies after Church on Sunday. We had lots of fun. She is always my favorite helper. We then settled down and read some books while the cookies baked.

We love all our nieces and nephews. And we love when they come and play! They are welcome anytime, (just let us know beforehand because our Christmas tree is blocking the front door!).

Growing up adopted

2009-11-30T20:15:00.000-08:00

I have 9 cousins who were adopted and one of my cousins has 2 daughters who were adopted. My family loves adoption. It has been such a blessing to all of us.

I asked one of my cousins, Leslie, to help out by answering some questions about her adoption. She is a super cute 17-year-old. She was adopted from Guatemala when she was a baby. I remember she was the most beautiful baby. She was so happy and loved to laugh. And she still does. She recently won Miss Idaho Days. She is an amazing dancer.

Ok well first of all i think it's amazing that you're doing this!

How do you feel about being adopted?

I was so young that it didn't really have an effect on me because when they were still getting used to me i was too little to remember it. So i've never felt like i didn't belong or i wasn't loved. I love the fact that I'm adopted and different. I'm proud of who I am!

When did you first come to know that you were adopted?

Ummmm I don't really know. I've always known I was adopted so it's just always been normal there was never a shock

Did you ask questions about your adoption?

I always ask questions about being adopted. My parents can't always answer them but I know that I'll find out my answers someday.

How would your parents explain to you about your adoption?

They would always tell me how my birthmom loved me so much that she placed me with a family who could take care of me and love me. It's never been a bad thing that I've been adopted, it's always been positive.

Is there anything you wish your parents had done differently?

All kids have problems with their parents so of course there are things I wish they'd do different but nothing about my adoption. I just wish they'd take me back to go see what it's like. But i also with they would have kept for the the culture with me. I don't know that much about it and I wish I did.

Is there anything else that you would like to say about adoption?

Just love your child as much as any kid. Some times you have to love adopted kids more but Ithink if you get them where there younger it's easier. I'd say shoot for before walking and talking stage so you can raise them how you want them to be raised the older you get the harder it is. I wish you the best of luck! Send me a picture when you have your baby! I want updates on all of the adoption! Love ya, Leslie

Thanks Leslie! Love ya too.

71 people, 41 pies, and so much fun

2009-11-29T15:02:00.000-08:00

Pies, pies, and more pies
Lots of us playing games

I love Thanksgiving. I love going to my Grandma's for Thanksgiving. She lives in a small, small farm town. Ryan and I decided last minute that we were going to go, and luckily it all worked out so that we could go. There were 71 people for dinner! And we had 41 pies! We played lots of fun games. It was a great time to be with my family.

Another great part of this year is that my best friend and family just moved to the same small town as my Grandma. Random and crazy that they live there. I got to hang out with her and it was so fun. I went to visit them in Indiana last year and now it is so nice that they live closer. I can't wait to go visit them again.

We also have a great family tradition for Black Friday...We go to the temple and as a family we participate in sealings and the younger kids do baptisms. There were 49 members of my family that attended the temple. We did 221 sealings, 240 baptisms, and 240 confirmations. We were in a sealing room with my parents, three of my sisters and their husbands. It was such a great experience. We got very emotional as we thought about taking our children to the temple someday and being sealed to them. What an amazing blessing that will be. I love them temple and I am so grateful to know that families can be eternal because of the temple.

Thankful!

2009-11-26T11:11:00.000-08:00

While I am eating turkey and ice cream and pie at my Grandma's...

I am so thankful for adoption. It is the way that we are going to be able to build our family and I am so excited.

Wanna read some good heart-warming adoption stories???

Go here

Or here

Or even here

Or here

This one is good too if you have a few minutes and some kleenex

Enjoy. Happy Thanksgiving!

Adoption Advocacy

2009-11-24T23:57:00.000-08:00

At the adoption conference I went to a few weeks ago I went to a class on adoption advocacy taught by Lindsey. These are the things that she presented:

What does it mean to be an adoption advocate?

Dispelling myths and clarifying misconceptions
Opening your mouth
Helping people use correct terminology
Sharing your passion for and testimony of adoption
Educating
Increasing awareness of adoption

Even busy people can advocate for adoption

Everyone is busy, but everyone has time to be an adoption advocate
"The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities" Stephen Covey
If you feel that it's important, you can make time for it

Anyone can advocate--no matter how much time you have

Anything you do--no matter how big or small--is better than nothing
There are things that you can do by yourself, with family, with friends, with your community or neighborhood

A couple things that you can do now:

Keep adoption info in your wallet/purse to distribute when prompted--pass along cards
Talk about adoption/Pass out materials to doctors, hairdressers, waiters, teachers, friends, family
If you already have a blog: Add a list of couples who are hoping to adopt (or just my little button I give you permission to use that picture); link to their profiles or adoption blogs
Add the Its About Love button to your blog

I know that adoption is on my mind a whole lot. I really want to help out and not just because we are desperately wanting to adopt. I just think that it is a great thing to be involved with. I know the struggles we have been through and are going through and if I can make it easier for another couple, that is awesome.

Be an adoption advocate.

Day 161 Approved and Searching

2009-11-23T22:07:00.000-08:00

Truthfully, I thought that once we got approved something would happen quickly. Or at least that is what I really hoped for. That is one of the reasons why I was so urgent to become approved. Our caseworker at the time didn't "get" that urgency that we were feeling. Now after 161 days being approved, I don't really know what to think or feel. I know that our baby is going to come to us at the right time, but I just didn't think that we wouldn't know when that right time was by now.

161 days

23 weeks

5 months, 1 week, and 1 day

We continue to pray that we will be parents. We continue to pray for the birth mother of our child that she will have strength and courage to make the right choice. And that she will be supported in that decision. We continue to pray that she will come in contact with our information and recognize us when she does. It will happen, I just know it. Please pray with us.

Pass Along Cards Part 2

2009-11-22T20:32:00.000-08:00

Pass-Along Cards are a good way to get the word out that we are hoping to adopt! We pass them out to family, friends, coworkers, ward members, college roommates, doctors and nurses, the lady that cuts my hair. My sister has given them to her ob/gyn.

I have given out many pass along cards to family and friends. We don't expect that every single one given out will result in a baby, but we have faith that somehow they will get to the right person. I still have lots of cards so if you need more, please let me know. I will send you some.

Right now I have a stack of my pass-along cards as well as a few other couples' pass-along cards in my purse. So if they don't like us, maybe they will like some of my friends who are trying to adopt.

Please help spread the word.

The Adoption Process

2009-11-21T10:37:00.000-08:00

The following are just some of the things we did to begin the adoption application process through LDS Family Services.

Obtain 4 non-family references + bishop's reference. (Our bishop had to verify we had current temple recommends.)

Complete a series of interviews with an LDSFS case worker (both as a couple and individually).

Complete the online application (this takes days to complete: it asked us about everything about us and our entire life and our entire family including the heights, hair color, professions of siblings and parents. It also asked our preferences for a child and birthparents.)

Fill out separate paper applications that include questions about our household's income, debt and tax info.

Pass an FBI background check with fingerprints.

Pass a state criminal background check. And if we had lived in another state for the last five years that state's background check. Since I had been a missionary in Hong Kong in the last five years I had to show proof that I was honorably released.

Pass a Home Study, where our case worker visited your home for an evaluation.

Pass a physical.

Provide state certified copies of both of our birth certificates, marriage license, and a copy of our temple sealing certificate.

Complete our online profile, I also created this blog.

Write a letter to prospective birth parents.

There are so many waiting couples (currently 925), birth parents can basically make a "wish list" of what they want in a couple and then most likely find the couple that fits it. They can narrow down a search by which state they live in, their ages, their willingness to have an open adoption, if they already have children, if they have a family pet, education/degrees, returned missionary status (for husband and/or wife), etc.

with help from here

Emotional Rollercoaster

2009-11-20T17:00:00.000-08:00

This article features a couple that had struggled with infertility and chose adoption. They were placed with two babies born only six weeks apart.

"Many Mormon adoptive parents ride an emotional roller coaster as they try to find the child or children meant for them. They wait for months and even years for a placement only to find they have to hurry to catch a plane, file last-minute paperwork or decorate a nursery.

The Los Angeles couple say the secret to achieving a successful adoption lies in not giving up, not becoming bitter and not getting angry at God for one's circumstances."

At the beginning of this month I thought it would be a great idea to feature things about adoption all month long to celebrate National Adoption Month. Yesterday I was having a terrible, no good, very bad day and didn't have anything uplifting to write.

Today is a brighter day.

When we were driving back from Portland, we decided to stop at some waterfalls. We decided to hike up to the falls. We didn't know how far it was or where the path ended up, we just kept going. We enjoyed the hike and there were beautiful views. There were many steep parts of the hike with switchbacks, but when we made it and realized how far we had come, we were happy that we did it. Our path to grow our family so far has had many switchbacks. We don't know when the chance to be parents will happen. We are enjoying what we are doing right now, but also looking forward to what is to come. We are realizing how far we have come and know that we are stronger because of it. It will happen...eventually.

Article: Old Thinking vs. New Thinking

2009-11-18T23:45:00.000-08:00

Old Think vs. New Think
*The OLD think is in BLUE.
If I find myself unexpectedly pregnant, abortion and single parenting are my only choices.
There is a third choice, one that has proven to be a success for birth mothers and children–the adoption option.
I would never consider adoption–it would be too hard.
Which ever choice you make will present many hardships–adoption may be no more difficult than abortion or single parenting.
My friends and family will think I'm terrible giving up my own flesh and blood.
Adoption is not "giving up," it is giving to–a decision you have carefully made out of love for the future of your child and yourself.
I'll never know what happened to my baby. I simply couldn't live that way.
The old way of doing adoptions (secrecy and no control) is out. The new way–open adoption–allows you to make the decisions regarding the future of your child and yourself.
Why adoption? Isn't it just for people who can't have their own kids?
Not necessarily true. Yes, some people cannot biologically conceive, but adoption provides a family for a child, not a child for a family.
Kids who are adopted have lots of problems.
Not founded in fact. Refer to the Search Institute Study. Children who are adopted have, among other characteristics, high self-esteem and positive identity concerns at rates as high or higher than their peers.
What about me? I feel it's my responsibility to raise my child.
Your responsibility is to make the very best and informed decision that you can for your child. Studies show that birth mothers who make an adoption plan typically move on with their life, finish their education, have a career, and eventually marry.

Superman was adopted

2009-11-17T17:36:00.000-08:00

Image

"Even those with only a casual knowledge of Superman knows he was born on planet Krypton, and was sent by his parents in a ship to Earth, right before the annihilation of his home planet.
Superman crash lands, is taken in by a kindly couple, and raised to adulthood.
Now think for a minute if Clark Kent’s adoptive parents hadn’t done a good job raising him, or if Clark had moped around feeling sorry for himself. What if he had decided to find a darker purpose to use his super powers? Lex Luther would be the least of our worries."

Read more about what Superman and Little Orphan Annie have in common

Here is an another great article:

Adoption, Superman and the Primal World

Why?

2009-11-16T21:27:00.000-08:00

Elder Russell M. Nelson: Abortion: An Assault on the Defenseless
Talk given October 2008 General Conference

With that understanding and reverence for life, we deplore the loss of life associated with warfare. The data are appalling. In World War I, more than 8 million military fatalities occurred. In World War II, more than 22 million servicemen and women died. Together, these two wars, covering portions of 14 years, cost the lives of at least 30 million soldiers worldwide. That figure does not include the millions of civilian casualties.
These data, however, are dwarfed by the toll of another war that claims more casualties annually than did World War I and World War II combined. Worldwide reports indicate that more than

40 million abortions

are performed per year.
This war called abortion is a war on the defenseless and the voiceless. It is a war on the unborn. This war is being waged globally. Ironically, civilized societies that have generally placed safeguards on human life have now passed laws that sanction this practice.

Adoption
Why destroy a life that could bring great joy to others? There are better ways of dealing with an unwanted pregnancy. When a life is created by sinful behavior, the best way to begin personal repentance is to preserve the life of that child. To add another serious sin to a serious sin already committed only compounds the grief. Adoption is a wonderful alternative to abortion. Both the baby and the adoptive parents can be greatly blessed by the adoption of that baby into a home where the child will be lovingly nurtured and where the blessings of the gospel will be available.

Adoption—A Loving Decision That Blesses the Child
“We … express our support of unwed parents who place their children for adoption in stable homes with a mother and a father. We also express our support of the married mothers and fathers who adopt these children.
“Children are entitled to the blessing of being reared in a stable family environment where father and mother honor marital vows. Having a secure, nurturing, and consistent relationship with both a father and a mother is essential to a child’s well-being. When choosing adoption, unwed parents grant their children this most important blessing.
Adoption is an unselfish, loving decision that blesses the child, birth parents, and adoptive parents in this life and throughout the eternities.
We commend all those who strengthen children and families by promoting adoption.”
First Presidency statement, Oct. 4, 2006.

Adoption Books

2009-11-15T20:17:00.000-08:00

My children are going to know that they were adopted. At the adoption conference I went to, I heard from a few people about their adoption books. Their mothers had put together their own adoption story and it was a bedtime favorite. I want to do that for my kids and help them feel the love that their birth mothers had for them.

Here are some other great adoption books that you can check out from your library:
"Tell me again how you couldn't grow a baby in your tummy, so another woman who was too young to take care of me was growing me and she would be my birth mother, and you would adopt me and be my parents."

One of my favorite parts from Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born is "Tell me again about the first time you held me in your arms and called me your baby sweet. Tell me again how you cried happy tears."

And here is Ryan's favorite part, "Tell me again about the first night you were my daddy and you told me about baseball being the perfect game, like your daddy told you."

Today we have been approved for 5 months. 153 days approved and waiting

Hope

2009-11-14T18:20:00.000-08:00

(necklace)

hope [hohp] : 1. the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best; 2. to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence; 3. to believe, desire, or trust; 4. to feel that something desired may happen

I wear this necklace almost daily to remind me of what I hope for the most. As I put it on and hold it throughout the day, I think of a sweet girl who is making an incredible decision that will help us become a family of three.

On other days I wear this one:

When I wear this one people comment about my necklace and then I can share my testimony about adoption. I love adoption.

Empty cribs and hearts

2009-11-13T20:21:00.000-08:00

Something devastating happened this week and it has been weighing on my mind all week. My cousin passed away. He was younger than I am. I haven't seen him since Thanksgiving at Grandma's three years ago. Through this tragedy, I have realized just how much I love my family, my entire family. My mother has 10 brothers and sisters, and so I have many, many cousins. I want to be with them and tell them how much I love them. And just cry with them. I tried to figure out a way to make it down there and support them, but it didn't work out. I love my family and am so happy to have the family I have. Tell those around you that you love them often. And find joy in the journey as President Monson says.

If there are people reading this, you may have noticed that I am supporting National Adoption Month by posting things about adoption. Today I am going to post something a little bit more personal; some of my feelings.

We put up the crib and did a few things to the baby's room recently. I don't know if this was a good idea or a bad idea. It is nice to have things in there to remind us that this is our goal. And maybe to exercise our faith that we will be parents. It is a reminder that there is an end in sight and that this is what we are hoping and praying for everyday. Some days I just have to shut the door and not look in there, because it stings that we have not been blessed with children, yet.

My heart yearns to be a mother. And although that is my #1 goal right now, our infertility and adoption status do not define me. These things weigh on my mind very frequently, but I am able to enjoy other things. I definitely cry more than I want to, but I am so happy. I feel so blessed and know that the blessings keep coming. The Lord has a plan for us and our little family. My family will be created by divine design. We plead with Heavenly Father daily that the birth mother of our child we be courageous and that she will be supported in her decision to place. We plead that she will be able to recognize us and know that we are the right family and we will know that that baby is the right baby. I know it will happen, and it will happen in the Lord's time. Our baby will come to us and fill that crib and our hearts.

Why LDS Family Services?

2009-11-12T21:51:00.000-08:00

As we were deciding to adopt, we automatically thought of LDS Family Services. We knew some about their services, but as we have gone through the approval process, we have understood more and more about what they do. We are grateful for LDS Family Services and the workers. After expensive fertility treatments, we knew that LDSFS adoptions were subsidized by tithing and are so grateful for that or else I think we would have to waited a lot longer to save enough money.

LDSFS has a new, revamped website called Its About Love

Here are some excerpts from a great article on the new website:

Not just an adoption-only resource, ItsAboutLove.org includes content on single parenting, marriage, abortion and adoption. It includes information about pregnancy trimesters, answers frequently asked questions about pregnancy and adoption, and dispels many myths. While the LDS Church opposes abortion -- with possible exception to extreme circumstances -- and strongly supports two-parent families, alternatives like abortion and single parenting are discussed because "making a good decision means honestly considering all possible options," the Web site states. "The greatest peace of mind comes from the certainty that you have been thorough and honest in considering every possibility."

While the changes are clearly attracting new individuals to the site, the agency is far from abandoning its roots. ItsAboutLove.org also includes updated resources for expectant mothers and fathers who plan to place their child with an adoptive family. Videos from birth mothers offer real-life stories and experiences. Couples looking to adopt a child also benefit from the new site and its increased capabilities.
Unlike the old Web site, ItsAboutLove.org includes information for everyone impacted by an unexpected pregnancy.

"My Pregnancy," "What Are My Options?" and "Real-Life Stories" are geared mainly toward expectant mothers. "Our Daughter is Pregnant" reaches out to parents. "My Girlfriend is Pregnant" supplies information and lends support to birth fathers.

Adoption Language: Promoting a Positive Image Article

2009-11-11T12:48:00.000-08:00

Poor adoption language can really hurt a child and a family. Adoption affects so many Americans. At least 6 million people in the U.S. were adopted into their families, and the number of Americans touched by adoption exceeds 100 million. Journalists need to describe adoption accurately and objectively.

The problem is widespread. Think back to recent media coverage. For example, many obituaries of Maureen Reagan mentioned that her brother Michael was adopted. The fact that he was adopted 50 years ago was as relevant as information that someone else was born prematurely or by C-section. Coverage of the Tom Cruise-Nicole Kidman divorce has typically described the couple as having "two adopted children." Again, the fact they were adopted is irrelevant. A spokesman for Cruise and Kidman said this kind of language is insulting. Through their word choices, even well-meaning journalists can and have inadvertently conveyed the misconception that adoptive families are somehow less genuine and permanent, and that people who were adopted --and their role in a family -- remain somehow different. The reality is that adoption is as valid a way of joining a family as birth.

Specific suggestions for change as it relates to the media:

1) As in the case of race or gender, the fact a person was adopted should be mentioned only if it is absolutely essential to the story. If it is mentioned, the relevance must be clear in the context of the story.

2) Mentioning adoption when it is not relevant wrongly implies a separate category of family relationship. Adoption is a legal event, not an immutable personal trait.

3) An adopted person's parents (those who are raising the child) should be referred to simply as father, mother or parents. The man and woman who shared in the child's conception can be referred to as the birth, genetic or biological parents (not "real" or "natural" parents, etc.) We are the child's parents.

4) The media should avoid terms such as "abandoned" or "given up," both for accuracy and sensitivity reasons. It usually is inaccurate to refer to children available for adoption as orphans. In many cases, the birth parents are alive.

5) Children also should not be referred to as abandoned or unwanted, unless they were actually found abandoned. Sociological or legal factors often force birth parents to relinquish their parental rights and make a child available for adoption; that is very different from abandoning them or "giving them up." In the interest of accuracy, birth parents can be said to have placed the child for adoption, made an adoption plan, made them available for adoption, or transferred parental rights.

6)The reason why people adopt is not usually relevant to a story. Infertility often plays a role, but so do other factors, and many adopt simply because this is a joyful way to make a family. Language suggesting that parents "couldn't have a baby of their own" is inaccurate. These children are our own by law and by love. Such language suggests adoption is second best, and that can be hurtful.

7) The phrase "a child of their own" is an inappropriate reference to birth children.

8) Adoption stories should never imply that adoptive parents are unusually selfless or otherwise saintly. In most cases, we adopted simply because we want to parent children. We are no more saintly or selfless than any other parent.

Read the full article here

Imagine

2009-11-10T08:32:00.000-08:00

Awesome.

Love adoption.

Love it.

Dispelling the Myths

2009-11-09T21:26:00.000-08:00

Today as I was telling someone about the adoption conference I went to. I explained how I was uplifted and felt support from so many others: people who have adopted before, are trying to adopt, were adopted, and placed for adoption. I was inspired by the birth parents who told their stories and "just knew" that adoption was right for them. As I told this person all of this, this person said, "Well don't they feel guilty about giving (cringe-see previous post) their child away?" I had to take a deep breath and not lash out but use it as a teaching moment about adoption.

Here are some myths about adoption:

Most birth mothers who place their babies for adoption are teenagers. Most birth mothers who choose adoption are in their early twenties, although women of all ages make this decision.

Birth parents who place their babies for adoption are abandoning their responsibility and taking the “easy way out.” There is no easy way out of unplanned pregnancy; any option involves emotional pain. Most birth mothers who do not choose abortion make the choice initially to parent their babies. Those who choose adoption do so after taking some time to carefully consider their options and the best interests of their child. Adoption is a courageous, loving choice which shows that the birth mother takes seriously the responsibility to be a parent.

An adoptive parent cannot love a child as much as a biological parent can. Love is not based on biology. Many loving relationships are between individuals who are not related to each other, such as husbands and wives. The love of a parent comes from preparing for a child and selflessly nurturing and caring for that child.

A birth mother can reclaim her child after adoption. Once a birth mother’s rights have been terminated, she cannot reclaim her child. Cases of birth parents obtaining custody after adoption are extremely rare and are exaggerated by the media.

After a child has been placed, a birth mother cannot have any contact with the child. Adoption practices have changed over the years. Today most birth mothers have some contact with their children. Arrangements are agreed upon by the birth mother and the adoptive parents and are based upon the needs and desires of all concerned.

Children who were adopted are more likely to have physical or emotional challenges. It is impossible to predict how any child will turn out, whether biological or adopted. Generally, children who were adopted as infants are as emotionally healthy as children who were not adopted. Children who were adopted when older may have challenges resulting from adverse conditions in their early lives, such as neglect, abuse, or lack of attachment. These challenges do not result from the adoption itself.

Birth mothers never recover from the emotional pain of placing a child for adoption. Birth mothers who choose adoption go through a grieving process, which is a healthy way of dealing with loss. But most birth mothers also report finding peace in the knowledge that they did all in their power to provide the best life possible for their child. They find that the experience gives them the strength and confidence to face other challenges throughout their lives.

Positive Adoption Language

2009-11-08T19:17:00.000-08:00

On the way back from Portland today we stopped and hiked up to some waterfalls. It was so beautiful.

"Respectful Adoption Language is very serious business. Just as in advertising we choose our words carefully to portray a postive image of the product we endorse (selling Mustangs rather than Tortoises, New Yorkers rather than Podunkers), and in politics we take great care to use terminology seen positively by the class or group of people it describes. Those of us who feel that adoption is a beautiful and healthy way to form a family and a responsible and respectable alternative to other forms of family planning, ask that you consider the language you use very carefully when speaking about those of us who are touched by adoption!"
--Patricia Irwin Johnston

Positive vs. Negative

Birthparent, biological parent vs. Real parent, natural parent

My Child vs. Adopted child; own child

Parent vs. Adopted parent

To Place; Choose an adoption plan vs. Giving away, Giving up your child

Finding a family to parent your child vs. Putting your child up for adoption

Deciding to parent the child vs. Keeping your baby

Was adopted vs. Is adopted

Born to unwed parents vs. Illegitimate

Please try to use positive adoptive language. I do not want my children to ever feel like they were given up or given away. I know that the birth mothers are placing their children selflessly. They are tenderly placing with purpose and care.

I can't wait

2009-11-07T12:15:00.000-08:00

My kids are definitely going to be wearing these...

The Gift of Adoption

2009-11-06T15:30:00.000-08:00

Click here to read this article about the gift of adoption. There are four stories from a birth mother, birth father, grandparent, and child.

Adoption is a blessing and a miracle.

Birth Mother:

Giving birth to a beautiful little girl was miraculous. I loved holding her and rocking her. She was so beautiful, and I cried many times her first night on earth. I knew that the next day would bring heartache when it was time to say good-bye.
What made that pain bearable was knowing that placing her for adoption was right. It was the hardest—but most right—thing I have ever done. I signed the papers through sheets of tears and then leaned on family and friends for support. My tears weren’t the only ones shed that day or in the days to come.

Birth Father:
The more real to us the baby became, the less our decision was about us and the more it was about our daughter. Andrea and I both acknowledged that many adoptive parents could provide our daughter with things that we couldn’t: a stable marriage, a permanent home, and a temple sealing. We wanted these things for our child, and before long, through LDS Family Services, we found a family we thought might be a good fit.
We felt strongly that our child was to go to these parents, a decision we felt confirmed in prayer and again later when Andrea and I met the family.

Grandparent:

The day our grandson was born was a bittersweet one. What a beautiful baby! It would have been easy to change our minds—after all, children are raised by single mothers and grandparents all of the time. Surely we could do it too. But we knew the Lord’s will, and we knew that it was in this child’s best interest for the adoption to proceed. After spending two days with our daughter and grandson in the hospital, my wife and I watched with tears streaming down our faces as Katie handed her son to the caseworker. She exclaimed, “I can’t believe I just did that!” and ran back to her hospital room to cry. My wife later commented that she had never seen greater love than she did as she watched Katie that day. Adoption, she said, truly is about love.

Child:

One of my earliest memories is looking up at my mother after she had tucked me in and asking her if she would tell me a different bedtime story. After all, she had been telling me the same story every night for as long I could remember...
It always started with these words: “Once upon a time, there was a mommy and daddy who wanted very much to have a baby of their own.”

Mom’s story always ended—never without a few tears—with the day she and Dad arrived at the adoption office. A woman brought the “most beautiful baby” they had ever seen, and my parents knew immediately that they would love me forever. All of their once-distant dreams were coming true...
Because of this story, I never doubted my beauty inside or out, and I never doubted my parents’ love for me.

5 Comments NOT to Say to a Birthmom

2009-11-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

Taken from here

I. "I could never place my baby for adoption."
This one used to make me cringe each time I heard it. I felt like I had failed at motherhood and the person making the comment has succeeded. That I must have been heartless to be able to do such an act. I felt inferior, like I need to prove something to them.
I have since learned I am not inferior, and I do not have to prove my mothering abilities to anyone. I believe now that comment has more to do with the person making it, than myself. Never has a woman secure in her role as a mother said that to me. Only the doubting, struggling-to-get-by mothers who feel that they must make such a declaration.

II. "What a wonderful gift you have given to a childless couple"
Try to see this one from the Birthmother's point of view. Now, I love my daughter's adoptive parents, but by no means did I place my first born child as a 'gift' to a childless couple. I am not that nice, not that giving. When I clutched my nine month pregnant belly with tears in my eyes, I did not recite the phrase, "Just think how I am giving a special gift to people I do not know".
When it comes down to the day when you hold your child for the first time, all thoughts of anyone else but your child and yourself fade away. There has to a higher reason for placement.
I gave Emily's parents as a gift to my daughter. That was my plan. That was my intention. Now, as an added benefit, I see her parents lives enriched by Emily's existence. Together, we celebrate the gift of knowing our daughter, Emily.

III. "You can have other children"
This speaker means well, I am sure, but this comment can strike the very heart of a Birthmother. Other children? You can never replace another child with another! To try and do so is to dishonor the child you have placed for adoption and the child you use to fill the void.
Let us remember our children. Let us celebrate them. We hold a special place in our hearts where their names will be etched forever.
No matter how many babies you carry out of the hospital with you, you never will forget the one you did not.

IV. A lady once said to me, "That sure is 'nice' of her parents to let you see Emily."
My quick reply was, "That sure was nice of me to give them my baby!"
Needless to say she said nothing more. I try to educate people by telling them my story, even on days I do not feel like doing so. Some, I have learned, are not able to be very teachable on the subject.
Her attitude was that I should be grateful, as a dog is grateful to get scraps from the dinner table. I will not put myself in such a position. I refuse to be the silent shadow in the corner with my eyes downcast.
Aside from the fact my daughter's parents would never treat me in such a fashion, I am grateful to God. The open adoption I have with my daughter is like a gift from Him-a gift that I get to open each time I see her smiling face.

V. The fifth response a Birthmother does not want to hear is an ackward silence.
We want to talk about our children. We want to remember them. We know when you are avoiding it, and it hurts.
I love it when others ask me how Emily is doing and to ask to see the pictures from my recent visit. I enjoy swapping my labor and delivery tales with other mothers. By the way, I was in labor for forty-two hours with my Emily! Ouch!
It is okay to talk about the children we placed. We placed them for adoption. We did not place them out of our thoughts and hearts.
I do not wish to offend others, but to educate how a Birthmother may feel about these five comments. Since not every Birthmother is the same, some may disagree or not be affected by the above.
I hope by reading this article you will feel more confident and comfortable when speaking with a Birthmother. Please do not think we would rather not talk about our children. Silence is the first step to many on the road to shame.

Article "What's best for my baby?"

2009-11-04T21:13:00.000-08:00

What's Best For My Baby?

New Era, November 2001

I was unmarried and pregnant. The baby’s father wanted nothing to do with us. Where could I turn? What should I do?

I turned 17 while I was pregnant, and I began working with my bishop so I could take the sacrament again and get my much-anticipated patriarchal blessing. I felt I was doing well and making good decisions for myself, but there was that constant, recurring question of what would be best for my baby.
I knew I wanted her to have a mother and a father, and to be sealed to them for eternity in the temple. I knew the only way to give her everything she needed and deserved was to find a good family and place her for adoption.

Tears showered my face as I walked to the couple, the parents I’d chosen for her. My lips quivered and my hands shook as I placed her in their arms. The emotions I felt were so intense, like none I’d felt before. Inside I just went back and forth, battling how I felt. Was I doing the right thing? Could they love her as much as I did? Then I looked at them. Their happiness was so sincere; their love was pure and true. This was my baby’s family.

I just knew.

November is National Adoption Month

2009-11-03T18:15:00.000-08:00

National Adoption Month

Read this positive adoption article. Lindsey is amazing! Her blog is so great. It has really helped me as we have gone through our infertility and adoption journey.

We are going to the Families Supporting Adoption Conference this weekend in Portland. We are so excited to meet so many people that have gone through or are going through what we are going through right now.

Oliver and Halloween

2009-11-01T09:44:00.001-08:00

While we were on the cruise, our newest nephew, baby Oliver was born. We were excited to meet him when we got back.

This is about how much we get dressed up for Halloween. Ava, Henry, and Jane wanted to dress up like us.

Cruise!

2009-11-01T09:27:00.001-08:00

To celebrate our 3rd Anniversary we went on a cruise. We left from Long Beach, CA and went to Catalina and Ensenda, Mexico. My sister and her husband went too. They were celebrating their 9th anniversary. We had so much fun! The food was so good. Karen and I got the same dessert every night, the warm melting chocolate cake. It was the best!

We are already planning our next cruise. Loved it.

Crockpot Cookbook

2009-10-31T19:04:00.001-07:00

My sister has a blog that has recipes every day for a year that she makes in the crockpot. She is doing a giveaway for a cookbook. So head on over there and check it out. Crockpot cooking is so great. We love it.

Here is the link again.

Another post to come from our cruise...

October

2009-10-07T21:23:00.000-07:00

I love October! It started out with a wonderful conference weekend. The trees are changing and there is a crispness in the air. I love fall. I think that is one of the reasons why Ryan and I got married in October, that, and we didn't want to wait too much longer.

A couple weeks ago we were riding our bikes on a trail and it was so fun to run over the leaves and hear that sound. I love watching cars drive by and the leaves fly up behind them. I have to make a point of taking fun fall pictures this year. We are going to go to a pumpkin patch so that will be a good opportunity.

We are counting down the days until we go on a cruise with my sister and her husband. We are so excited! We are going out of LA and to Catalina Island and Ensenada, Mexico.

I just finished Catching Fire, the second book in the Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins. It was very good.

Happy Autumn!

Happy 5 years!

2009-09-11T20:44:00.000-07:00

Sight of original tumor

Day of his autologous stem cell transplant

As of August 25, Ryan is officially a "cancer survivor!" Prior to this his cancer was in remission, but now he is as his oncologist said "cured!" To celebrate we went to dinner last week with his parents to the same restaurant that we went on our first date.

Ryan is a miracle and I am so happy that he made it through all his treatments so we could meet and get married! We feel so blessed.

The Book Thief

2009-09-07T16:32:00.001-07:00

I just finished this book. As my sister said it has been "haunting me since I've finished it this week. It's a book that needs to be shared."

It is amazing. I loved it. If you haven't read it yet, I highly encourage you to read it.

The next book on my list:

Any other suggestions?

Happy 30th Birthday Ryan!

2009-09-06T22:29:00.001-07:00

Ryan had his 30th birthday this last week. We went to Red Robin and I made him a German chocolate cake. It was yummy! He even got the "You are Special" plate!

Happy birthday Babe! I love you!

Family Reunion

2009-08-17T20:11:00.000-07:00

We just got back from a great family reunion. It was my parents, sisters and their husbands and kids. There was a total of 16 adults and 13 kids. We all stayed in an 8 bedroom log cabin near Heber City, Utah. We had so much fun. A few highlighs: Pioneer Heritage Park, watching the meteor shower, Snowbird-alpine slide, zipline, and chairlifts, canoeing, boating, and lots of good eating! Thanks to Gina for organizing so much of it. It was wonderful to be all together!

Michelle and Toby at Pioneer Heritage Park

Zane loved the animals

Daniel and Reagan at the pioneer school

Toby, Maren, and Reagan on the train

A few familiar scenes--all the girls in the kitchen talking

Breakfast and the kids in booster seats

Abby and Ryley--are they really playing chess?

Ryan and my mom with some of the kids in the canoe right by our cabin

Maren, my mom, Reagan, me, Kaylee

The coveted white elephant present that I got! The "You are Special" plate. Ryan will be getting this plate for random things like taking the garbage out and unloading the dishwasher!

Two of the cutest boys, Zane and Skyler

Ryan B. and Melanie on the chair lift

Jill and Kirye

Braden and me on the zipline

Maren (squealing) and my mom on the alpine slide

Amazing view!

Some of the family

My dad, mom, Maren, and Elyce

Toby doing flips

Rockband, we may not have too much musical talent, but we can play Rockband

Kaitlyn-cutie pie

Mel and me on the tube

Reagan, Toby, Abby, Kirye, and Ryley: Sandcastle

Ryan on the tube

Pass Along Cards

2009-07-22T20:39:00.000-07:00

We are in the process of getting pass along cards printed to share with our family and friends. That way they can keep some in their purses or wallets and give them to people that they know or come in contact with. This way they will have our contact info immediately. Spaces for Faces designed our cards. Jill did a great job!

Can you tell that we are so excited to be parents?

We also bought a crib for a really great deal, but Ryan won't let me put it up...yet.

It's about Love!

I love adoption!

The 4th

2009-07-07T19:31:00.000-07:00

Four of the seven sisters

A pancake breakfast and neighborhood parade, both organized by my sister, a great way to celebrate the USA

Fireworks and family out at Ryan's uncle's lake house

I love America! I had a hard time deciding which patriotic shirt to wear. I decided on the I heart Sparklers. I think on July 3rd I wore my olympic shirt that matches Ryan's shirt.

APPROVED!!!

2009-06-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

Hooray! Our profile is now online and we are so happy! You can access our profile by going to this link:

https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/22458290/ourMessage.jsf

Or by clicking on our picture on the right that says "Hoping to Adopt"

Ava really wanted to jump with us...it was too much fun!

Hip, Hip, Hooray!

Denver trip

2009-06-15T22:41:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I flew to Denver to visit my sister, Melanie, and her husband, Ryan. We had so much fun! We got to go to a Mariners-Rockies game. Super fun! And one of our favorites was visiting the Olympic training center in Colorado Springs. I love the Olympics. There are only 241 more days until Vancouver 2010. We played lots of games of Ticket to Ride and Spades. Denver was great! Thanks for the fun times Mel and Ryan.

Seattle and camping trip

2009-06-07T22:23:00.000-07:00

We took a spontaneous trip to Seattle this weekend. We drove over to Denny Creek (about 45 minutes from Seattle) and camped there on Friday night. As a kid Ryan and his dad used to go camping there. Camping was super fun. We went on a hike to a beautiful waterfall and Ryan made a great fire. We went into Seattle the next day and went to the Mariner's game. We had a great time. We also surprised my grandparents and visited them. Fun weekend!
Go M's!

Mormon Messages

2009-05-31T22:27:00.000-07:00

I have recently came across these "Mormon Messages." They are wonderful. They are powerful.

"Hope ya know, we had a hard time" by Quentin L. Cook:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz41YxNiHEg&feature=channel

"Come what may and love it" by Joseph B. Wirthlin:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz41YxNiHEg&feature=channel

"Lessons I learned as a boy" by Gordon B. Hinckley:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naqX9iYE0V0&NR=1

I love my family

2009-05-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

Sleepover in the fort with Ava at our house. When we told her that she was going to stay at our house she said, "Oh my gosh, I'm getting everything I wanted!"

Grandpa and the boys

And I love that my nieces and nephews love to play with Ryan's nieces and nephews. We have great families!

Welcome Baby Jane

2009-05-23T18:12:00.000-07:00

Marianne, Ryan's sister, just had a baby on Monday. We were so excited to meet her. She is beautiful. 10 lbs 9 oz and 21 inches. She was welcomed by a very excited older sister, Ava, and two "don't know what to think" older brothers, Max and Henry.

We are so excited for Marianne and Mike and their family!

2 Years

2009-05-23T17:50:00.000-07:00

Two years ago we went in for our first fertility doctor's appointment. We have been "trying" for two years to have kids. Two years ago we knew that we wanted to have a baby. We saw the doctor and knew that in-vitro fertilization was the only way that we would be able to have a baby on our own. We wanted to proceed as quickly as possible. I had an ultrasound to make sure that I was okay and then a Hysterosalpingogram--dye was injected into my uterus and fallopian tubes while under x-ray. Not the most comfortable thing, but I was willing to do anything I needed. We were scheduled on the next series of IVF. I started giving myself shots every night in the end of June. I went into the office every other morning and with ultrasounds they measured the follicles. When things looked good I was ready for them to extract my eggs. I arrived July 5th early, got an IV put in and they knocked me out, when I woke up they were done. I made Ryan buy me a milkshake on the way home. Yum. I slept the rest of the day and Ryan took care of me and even went and bought me another milkshake. When we woke up the next morning we had missed a call from the nurse. They were going to try to inject the sperm into the eggs, there was a small chance that it would work. I called her back and she got on the phone and told me it didn't work. Heartbreaking. I cried all day. And many days after that.

That was two years ago.

Where am I now? I am stronger. I am closer to the Lord. I have learned things that I wouldn't have known. I have been stretched and pushed in ways that I didn't know I could endure. I have. And I am. I know that I needed that in order to get where I am now. We needed to know that our children would be coming to us through another avenue.

I was recently talking to my mom (she's the best!) about some frustrations that I am having with the "waiting." She reminded me of when Jesus walked on the water. He came to the disciples in the 4th watch, between the hours of 3am and 6am. They had been rowing all night and it was dark and they were tired and had not gotten very far. They had been pushed and didn't think they could do it much longer, and that is when the Savior came.

She also reminded me of the story of Lazarus. Jesus came to Mary and Martha. They were so sad because their brother had died and if Jesus had been there he would not have died. Jesus wept with them. He knew that he was going to raise Lazarus and they would be happy, but for a time he wept with them. He knows that all of this is going to work out for us. We are going to have a happy family, but he weeps with us now as we do.

I have faith that our children will come to us and we have no need to worry. Choice spirits will join our family. Heavenly Father's plan is wonderful. Ryan and I went to the temple the other night and did sealings. We thought about our own sealing and then how in the future what a blessing it will be to have our children sealed to us. That gives us a much better eternal perspective than just this short time that we are waiting. The Lord has blessed us and is continually blessing us.

Oregon Coast

2009-05-16T21:09:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I took a trip to Lincoln City, Oregon. We drove on Thursday and made it there in 7-8 hours. We stayed in an awesome condo on the beach. We had so much fun all weekend.

We went on a great bike ride around Devil's Lake.

We went on a hike to a wonderful waterfall.

We shopped at the outlet malls.
We walked along the beach.

We played on the rocks while searching for star fish and mussels.

We saw the sea lions in the tidepools.

We visited the tallest lighthouse in Oregon.

We explored the quarry and rocks.

We sat in our private hot tub and watched the beautiful sunsets.

We ate some great food, including a seafood place right on the ocean.

We had such a great time in Oregon, we are planning on going back. It was a great trip!

Nieces and nephews

2009-05-03T22:58:00.000-07:00

We absolutely love our nieces and nephews. They bring so much joy to our lives. We love playing with them and we know that their parents love it too. We are used a lot for babysitters and we love it. We enjoy having slumber parties with them. They love making cookies with me. They know that when they come to our house they get to make cookies and eat cheese pizza. We support them in their activities. We have 21 total nieces and nephews, with 2 on the way. 12 of them live really close to us.

Ryan had just had surgery on his hip (he wanted me to mention why he is wearing those ugly socks) and Ava was his nurse.

Ava and the busters, Max and Henry, hanging out at our house

Traveling

2009-04-26T21:59:00.000-07:00

We love to travel. We went on our honeymoon on a cruise to the Caribbean. We traveled in an RV to Canada with members of Ryan's family. We love visiting Seattle and Utah. We enjoy going to nearby lakes.

Honeymoon

Canada Trip

Utah Trip

Driving a hovercraft

I served my mission in Hong Kong.

I also traveled to Italy to do some genealogy with my family.

We also made a stop in France.

Ryan recently traveled to Montreal, Canada with his brother.

Sports

2009-04-26T21:51:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I both love watching sports and playing sports. We love to go to different events whether it is basketball, baseball, football, or other sports. Our first date was to an arena football game. We love riding bikes, hiking, going on walks on the river trail near our home, and other outdoor activities.

Ryan's Family

2009-04-25T22:37:00.001-07:00

Ryan has amazing parents, 2 sisters, one older and one younger, and 1 older brother.

Ken and Michele

Brady, Ryan, Melissa, and Marianne

Koo, Ken, Ryan, Brady, and Mike

Alicia's Family

2009-04-25T22:18:00.000-07:00

I have wonderful parents and 6 sisters.

This picture was taken in 2006 before Ryan and I were married. There have been four babies born since then.

From left to right: My younger sister Melanie, the rest are older: Karen, Jill, Gina, Nicole, and Michelle

We love our families. They are definitely our closest friends. It is a great blessing to live by 4 out of 9 siblings. We love playing with their kids: we currently have 13 nieces and nephews on Alicia's side and 8 on Ryan's side, with 2 on the way.

Come what may and love it

2009-04-25T21:51:00.000-07:00

Ryan and I were set up on a blind date by my sister and his sister-in-law. I was living in Utah at the time and he was in Washington. I was going to go up there for my nephew's baptism and it would be great timing to go on a date with Ryan. We went on a fabulous date to an Arena football game. It was great and Ryan loved that I knew what was going on and loved sports. At the end of the date he asked if he could see me the next day before I left to go back to Utah. We played games with his family the next night and had a great time. We talked for a long time that night and wondered when we could see each other again. Ryan called me every day that week and one day he asked if I would go to a concert with him on a Tuesday night. I didn't think there was anyway that I could fly up and go, but I worked it out that I would fly there on Tuesday and fly back to Utah on Wednesday. It was great to see him again. He flew to Utah a couple weeks after that. We were just hitting it off so well. One night as we were talking he opened up. I knew that he had had cancer and had been through so much a few years earlier. We had talked about that, but this night he went into much more depth--especially the side effects of all the treatments that he had undergone. He told me how he would probably never be able to have children; he had saved some sperm, but it had been after a full round of chemo and was not very healthy sperm. This kind of shocked me, but I cared about Ryan and wanted to pursue this relationship. I wasn't going to end things because of this news.

We continued our long distance relationship. In June, after about 6 weeks of going back and forth, I made the decision to move to Washington to be closer to him. Timing of the blind date was perfect so that I could make this decision. I had recently graduated from BYU and was working at two part time jobs that I could easily leave. In July I moved to Washington. I found a job and in August Ryan proposed.

We were married in October. From the first date to our wedding was not quite 6 months. I swore I would never do that, oh well, he was the right one, at the right time, in the right place.

We went on a cruise for our honeymoon. It was awesome!
After being married for about 6 months, we both individually decided that it was time to add to our family of two. We knew that we would need to see the fertility specialist and do IVF in order to have a baby. As we went through the IVF treatments, we had all the faith in the world that it was going to happen. The doctor told us that there was not a very good chance that Ryan's cryoperserved sperm would work, but we had faith. I went to the doctor every other day for ultrasounds, gave myself shots, and prayed that this would work. We went and visited my parents and family. One of my sisters told me that she had just found out that she was pregnant. She wanted to let me know before anyone else. I was excited to think that we would be pregnant at the same time. The next week I went in for the extraction of my eggs. They were going to inject the sperm and let us know if any of the eggs were fertilized. On Friday morning we got a call from the nurse, "I am so sorry, none of the eggs were fertilized." I couldn't believe it. I hung up the phone in sobs. We had faith, why didn't it work? Why did we get the impression that we were supposed to start our family? My mom called shortly after that and I just cried, "It didn't work, it didn't work." Everyone's hearts were breaking with ours. We went to Ryan's parent's house. His dad gave us both blessings and gave us some good advice. I don't think I stopped crying all day. Every time one of my sisters would call I had to relive that pain and heartache.
Over the next few months we had to grieve with the loss of the child we never had.
We eventually felt blessed that without being married a year, we knew that we were infertile and didn't have to deal with the month to month pain of not being pregnant. By the end of the year we were ready to start the adoption process. When we called LDS Family Services, they told us that we would have to wait until we had been married for two years before we could proceed. We asked for them to make a special exception, but they couldn't. So we waited. We toyed with the idea of the foster-adopt program, but after attending classes and filling out paperwork knew that it was not the right decision for us.

We have now been married over two years. Paperwork has been filled out, reference letters have been written, and we have met with our caseworker. We recently moved into our new house and have completed our home study. There is a room that has no other purpose than the future baby room. Now that we are in our house, things are feeling like they are moving along and things will happen sooner than later. It is starting to feel more real.
I have learned that adoption is not going to cure our infertility. I may still yearn for the desire to be pregnant and have a child that looks like me, but I can find joy in adoption, and more importantly motherhood. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us and our little family. He loves us and cares about us. I don't know what to expect in the next few months as we are approved for adoption, but we will take it step by step. We know it may be an emotional rollercoaster, but in the end we hope to have the chance to bring a child into our home and someday take him or her to the temple and be sealed together as a family.

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." -Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin "Come What May, and Love It "

Welcome to our blog

2009-04-25T19:44:00.000-07:00

We have started this blog as a way to get to know us better. We hope you enjoy!