Ryan and Alicia's Adoption Site: 2011

Come and get to know us...

This is our story: Ryan and I were set up on a blind date by my sister and his sister-in-law. I was living in Utah at the time and he was in Washington. We went on a fabulous date to dinner and an Arena football game. It was great and Ryan loved that I knew what was going on and loved sports. At the end of the date he asked if he could see me the next day before I left to go back to Utah. We played games with his family the next night and had a great time. We talked for a long time that night and wondered when we could see each other again. And he kissed me good night!

Ryan called me every day that week and one day he asked if I would go to a concert with him on a Tuesday night. I didn't think there was anyway that I could fly up and go, but I worked it out that I would fly there on Tuesday and fly back to Utah on Wednesday. It was great to see him again.

He flew to Utah a couple weeks after that. We were just hitting it off so well. One night as we were talking he opened up. I knew that he had had cancer and had been through so much a few years earlier. We had talked about that, but this night he went into much more depth--especially the side effects of all the treatments that he had undergone. He told me how he would probably never be able to have biological children and he asked how I felt about adoption. This kind of shocked me, but I cared about Ryan and wanted to pursue this relationship. I wasn't going to end things because of this news. And adoption had always appealed to me.

We continued our long distance relationship. In June, after about 6 weeks of going back and forth, I made the decision to move to Washington to be closer to him. Timing of the blind date was perfect so that I could make this decision. I had recently graduated from BYU and was working at two part time jobs that I could easily leave. In July I moved to Washington. I found a job and in August Ryan proposed.

We were married in October. From the first date to our wedding was not quite 6 months. I swore I would never do that, oh well, he was the right one, at the right time, in the right place.

We went on a cruise for our honeymoon. It was awesome!

After being married for about 6 months, we both individually decided that it was time to add to our family of two. We knew that we would need to see the fertility specialist and do in-vitro fertilization (IVF) in order to have a baby. As we went through the IVF treatments, we had all the faith in the world that it was going to happen. The doctor told us that there was not a very good chance, but we had faith. Unfortunately it didn’t work. We were completely heartbroken.

Over the next few months we had to grieve with the loss of the child we never had.

We eventually felt blessed that without being married a year, we knew that we were infertile and didn't have to deal with the month to month pain of not being pregnant. By the end of the year we were ready to start the adoption process. When we called LDS Family Services, they told us that we would have to wait until we had been married for two years before we could proceed. We asked for them to make a special exception, but they couldn't. So we waited.

Ryan and I filled out all the paperwork and did all the necessary things to get approved for adoption. After we were approved we told everyone that we knew that we were trying to adopt and asked them to help spread the news. A little over a year after we had been approved we got an email from my aunt who lives in another state. She told me that she knew someone that was pregnant and not married and was considering placing her son for adoption. My aunt had shared with her our blog and information. Our sweet Julie read it and felt like we were to be the parents of her little boy. She emailed a couple of days and we read the sweetest words: “I've read your blog and it really touched me. Ever since I found out I was pregnant I never felt much like it was supposed to be mine. Please let me know if you can consider adopting my son. I know you will be a great choice.” We immediately felt so peaceful. We started emailing back and forth and building a relationship with her. We visited her a few weeks later and she immediately felt like family. About 3 months after she contacted us for the first time, she called us to let us know that the baby was going to be born that day. We jumped on the next flight and made it to the hospital a few hours after our sweet baby Lucas was born.

We spent time in the hospital with Julie and we met Lucas’ birthfather. We had a great time getting to know him and his family. We really cherished the time that we got to spend with Julie and Scottie and their families. When Lucas was 11 days old we flew home to Washington. We were so happy to be a family of 3!

Lucas is such a happy boy. We love being his parents! He is now 2 years old. We are now hoping to add another child to our family. We want him to be a big brother.

We have met with our caseworker and filled all the necessary paperwork and completed the background checks. We are now approved for adoption and looking for our next child! We are so excited for what the future will bring!

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." -Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin "Come What May, and Love It "

Monday, October 17, 2011

Babble

My younger sister Melanie writes for Babble at Being Pregnant. She and her husband have infertility struggles of their own as well and she writes about that. She is currently doing a series called Real Women's Stories. It features different women and their infertility journey and hope. My story was featured recently of a success of adoption.
You can read it here

Here is another great story about Sarah and Chance's adoption: "I know people say that, ‘Well it’s different when they’re your own.’ It doesn’t matter. They don’t have to be blood. She was mine.”

Also have you ever wondered about adoptive breastfeeding? My story of this was also featured. You can read it here.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Bust a Myth

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. RESOLVE has encouraged people to bust some myths surrounding infertility and I decided to weigh in.

Myth #1: "So and so had cancer and they were able to have 3 children after."

I know that you are well meaning, but this is not our case. It kind of hurts when people say this. It is almost like saying to a cancer patient, "My aunt had cancer and died last year." You don't want to hear that. Ryan's cancer was probably very different than so and so and because of that we are never going to be able to have biological children.

Myth #2 "Just adopt and then you will get pregnant."

First off, don't ever say JUST adopt. Deciding to adopt should be proceeded by many serious discussions. It is not easy. There are mounds of paperwork that need to be filled out and it took us months and months to finally get approved. After we were approved there was a lot of time that went by that nothing happened and we were on an emotional roller coaster. We have been blessed with a miracle named Lucas and his amazing birth family, but it didn't come until after a lot of time and trial.
Secondly, not everyone that adopt gets pregnant. I know that there are couples that do and that is amazing, but we hear about those stories because they are amazing. There are plenty more couples that adopt and never get pregnant.

Infertility is something that I will always deal with. Yes, I know that we have been so blessed and that we have a perfect little baby now, but infertility creeps up on me every so often and I have to find ways to deal with it. Adoption is not a cure for infertility, it is a cure for childlessness. There is a quote by Barbara Eck Manning that says:

My infertility resides in my heart as an old friend. I do not hear from it for weeks at a time, and then, a moment, a thought, a baby announcement or some such thing, and I will feel the tug-maybe even be sad or shed a few tears. And I think, "There's my old friend." It will always be part of me...

We have been "lucky" in a sense that we know the cause of our infertility and that we haven't had the month to month disappointment. We still deal with it sometimes and it still hurts, not as much, but it is still there at times.

After I told someone last week that Lucas was adopted she asked if I had children of my own too. I took a deep breath in and said that he is ours and that he is our miracle. Look at that face, he is a miracle and we are so grateful for his wonderful birth family.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Adoption Story

My sister sent me this link about a mother who talks about adoption. It is a great interview. I really enjoyed reading it.

This is a quote from it:

"There’s a quote that says, “Adoption is about stewardship, not ownership.” I love it! Having our kids sealed, I don’t feel like we cut them off from their birth families, but that we’ve added their birth families to our family. We are all stewards of our children. We don’t own them. They are all Heavenly Father’s children. The sealing power is not going to cut off their extended family–it’s like we’re all this big huge family."

Awesome. I love adoption. Meanwhile I am nibbling on this adorable boy: