He flew to Utah a couple weeks after that. We were just hitting it off so well. One night as we were talking he opened up. I knew that he had had cancer and had been through so much a few years earlier. We had talked about that, but this night he went into much more depth--especially the side effects of all the treatments that he had undergone. He told me how he would probably never be able to have biological children and he asked how I felt about adoption. This kind of shocked me, but I cared about Ryan and wanted to pursue this relationship. I wasn't going to end things because of this news. And adoption had always appealed to me.
We continued our long distance relationship. In June, after about 6 weeks of going back and forth, I made the decision to move to Washington to be closer to him. Timing of the blind date was perfect so that I could make this decision. I had recently graduated from BYU and was working at two part time jobs that I could easily leave. In July I moved to Washington. I found a job and in August Ryan proposed.
We were married in October. From the first date to our wedding was not quite 6 months. I swore I would never do that, oh well, he was the right one, at the right time, in the right place.
We went on a cruise for our honeymoon. It was awesome! 
After being married for about 6 months, we both individually decided that it was time to add to our family of two. We knew that we would need to see the fertility specialist and do in-vitro fertilization (IVF) in order to have a baby. As we went through the IVF treatments, we had all the faith in the world that it was going to happen. The doctor told us that there was not a very good chance, but we had faith. Unfortunately it didn’t work. We were completely heartbroken.
Ryan and I filled out all the paperwork and did all the necessary things to get approved for adoption. After we were approved we told everyone that we knew that we were trying to adopt and asked them to help spread the news. A little over a year after we had been approved we got an email from my aunt who lives in another state. She told me that she knew someone that was pregnant and not married and was considering placing her son for adoption. My aunt had shared with her our blog and information. Our sweet Julie read it and felt like we were to be the parents of her little boy. She emailed a couple of days and we read the sweetest words: “I've read your blog and it really touched me. Ever since I found out I was pregnant I never felt much like it was supposed to be mine. Please let me know if you can consider adopting my son. I know you will be a great choice.” We immediately felt so peaceful. We started emailing back and forth and building a relationship with her. We visited her a few weeks later and she immediately felt like family. About 3 months after she contacted us for the first time, she called us to let us know that the baby was going to be born that day. We jumped on the next flight and made it to the hospital a few hours after our sweet baby Lucas was born.
Lucas is going to turn 3 in less than 3 months. We have now been approved for longer than it took with finding and getting Lucas. My heart is sometimes very anxious. I feel like some of this stems from thinking about how big Lucas is getting. He is learning so much and becoming such a big boy. And it is so exciting! Today I looked at him and wondered to myself, "When did he get to be such a big boy?" I have been thinking about potty training and moving him to a bed. I look forward to those things, but it also pains me. I always imagined having more than one child in diapers. I always imagined Lucas moving from his crib to a bed because a litle brother or sister needed the crib. This is not the case. And it makes me sad. I feel anxiety because I see him growing up so much and he doesn't have a sibling to share his childhood with yet.
Oh my heart.
I have been trying to be in patient in all of this. I don't think I have done a very good job. I am so happy to be Lucas' mother. And I find joy and happiness everyday. When I start to get anxious about not having another child by now, I try to look at him, really look at him, and play with him and be there for him. I am doing a better job lately. I have read a talk by President Henry B. Eyring multiple times recently and it has given me some insight and helped me feel that all will be okay even if I don't have 2 kids in diapers or Lucas moves into a big boy bed.
The talk is called "Where is the Pavillion?" given in the October 2012 conference.
"Abraham’s heart seems to have been right long before Sarah conceived Isaac and before they received their promised land. Heaven had other purposes to fulfill first. Those purposes included not only building Abraham and Sarah’s faith but also teaching them eternal truths that they shared with others on their long, circuitous route to the land prepared for them. The Lord’s delays often seem long; some last a lifetime. But they are always calculated to bless. They need never be times of loneliness or sorrow or impatience."
I feel so much strength and my patience is increased when I read "the Lord's delays often seem long...but they are always calculated to bless. They need never be times of loneliness or sorrow or impatience." I am trying to find other ways to fill my time. I need to serve more and bless others around me.
"Although His time is not always our time, we can be sure that the Lord keeps His promises."
I know that He will keep His promises to me. A few months ago I was just starting to read the Book of Mormon again. We read about the Nephites traveling to the Promised Land.
1 Nephi 2:20 And inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments, ye shall prosper, and shall be led to a land of promise; yea, even a land which I have prepared for you; yea, a land which is choice above all other lands.
1 Nephi 7:12-13 the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him...let us be faithful to him. And if it so be that we are faithful to him, we shall obtain the land of promise...
I have a couple of different "lands of promise." My current land of promise that I am trying to reach is adopting another child. The Lord will lead us to a land that He has prepared for us. The Lord has a plan in store for us. There are more children out there for us. As we are faithful, we will prosper, children will come, we will be blessed. And we will reach our land of promise. It wasn't easy for Nephi. There were problems along the way. He even had to build his own ship, but the Lord led and guided him and they reached the land of promise. It may not (and has not) been easy for us. Time has gone by and we had to redo paperwork and background checks and renew our home study, but the Lord is helping us build our ship. He is leading and guiding us. And we are promised as we are faithful we will prosper and be led to our land of promise.
I was preparing a lesson for my primary class this last week and I read this scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 98:1-3:
Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;
Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament--the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.
Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name's glory, saith the Lord.
My heart is comforted. I am giving thanks for the amazing blessings that I have received, especially to be Lucas' mother. I know that the Lord hears every single one of our prayers. And in every single one we ask Him to bless the birth parents of our next child to be led to us and recognize us and for us to be able to add to our family and Lucas to be a big brother.
We may not know when it will happen, but it will happen and we are looking forward to that, but we have learned recently to "wait patiently on the Lord" for his promises are always fulfilled.
