Here is a great article about adoption. Finally something positive about adoption in the press.
"Adoption is not what you think it is. It is not, as one well-meaning person told me, "an act of mercy." My wife and I did not adopt our daughter to "save" her or to demonstrate our innate goodness. We adopted her because we wanted a child and couldn't have one biologically. That's why we filled out endless reams of paperwork, underwent a background check, spent thousands of dollars we couldn't really afford.
Like our case, the vast majority of international adoptions end happily. Of course, you don't hear those stories."
This sounds a lot like how we feel and how all the couples I know that have adopted or are hoping to adopt feel. We are not "saving" our children, they are "saving" us.
Come and get to know us...
This is our story:
Ryan and I were set up on a blind date by my sister and his sister-in-law. I was living in Utah at the time and he was in Washington. We went on a fabulous date to dinner and an Arena football game. It was great and Ryan loved that I knew what was going on and loved sports. At the end of the date he asked if he could see me the next day before I left to go back to Utah. We played games with his family the next night and had a great time. We talked for a long time that night and wondered when we could see each other again. And he kissed me good night!
Ryan called me every day that week and one day he asked if I would go to a concert with him on a Tuesday night. I didn't think there was anyway that I could fly up and go, but I worked it out that I would fly there on Tuesday and fly back to Utah on Wednesday. It was great to see him again. 
He flew to Utah a couple weeks after that. We were just hitting it off so well. One night as we were talking he opened up. I knew that he had had cancer and had been through so much a few years earlier. We had talked about that, but this night he went into much more depth--especially the side effects of all the treatments that he had undergone. He told me how he would probably never be able to have biological children and he asked how I felt about adoption. This kind of shocked me, but I cared about Ryan and wanted to pursue this relationship. I wasn't going to end things because of this news. And adoption had always appealed to me.
We continued our long distance relationship. In June, after about 6 weeks of going back and forth, I made the decision to move to Washington to be closer to him. Timing of the blind date was perfect so that I could make this decision. I had recently graduated from BYU and was working at two part time jobs that I could easily leave. In July I moved to Washington. I found a job and in August Ryan proposed.
We were married in October. From the first date to our wedding was not quite 6 months. I swore I would never do that, oh well, he was the right one, at the right time, in the right place.
We went on a cruise for our honeymoon. It was awesome! 
After being married for about 6 months, we both individually decided that it was time to add to our family of two. We knew that we would need to see the fertility specialist and do in-vitro fertilization (IVF) in order to have a baby. As we went through the IVF treatments, we had all the faith in the world that it was going to happen. The doctor told us that there was not a very good chance, but we had faith. Unfortunately it didn’t work. We were completely heartbroken.
"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." -Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin "Come What May, and Love It"
He flew to Utah a couple weeks after that. We were just hitting it off so well. One night as we were talking he opened up. I knew that he had had cancer and had been through so much a few years earlier. We had talked about that, but this night he went into much more depth--especially the side effects of all the treatments that he had undergone. He told me how he would probably never be able to have biological children and he asked how I felt about adoption. This kind of shocked me, but I cared about Ryan and wanted to pursue this relationship. I wasn't going to end things because of this news. And adoption had always appealed to me.
We continued our long distance relationship. In June, after about 6 weeks of going back and forth, I made the decision to move to Washington to be closer to him. Timing of the blind date was perfect so that I could make this decision. I had recently graduated from BYU and was working at two part time jobs that I could easily leave. In July I moved to Washington. I found a job and in August Ryan proposed.
We were married in October. From the first date to our wedding was not quite 6 months. I swore I would never do that, oh well, he was the right one, at the right time, in the right place.
We went on a cruise for our honeymoon. It was awesome!
After being married for about 6 months, we both individually decided that it was time to add to our family of two. We knew that we would need to see the fertility specialist and do in-vitro fertilization (IVF) in order to have a baby. As we went through the IVF treatments, we had all the faith in the world that it was going to happen. The doctor told us that there was not a very good chance, but we had faith. Unfortunately it didn’t work. We were completely heartbroken.
Over the next few months we had to grieve with the loss of the child we never had.
Ryan and I filled out all the paperwork and did all the necessary things to get approved for adoption. After we were approved we told everyone that we knew that we were trying to adopt and asked them to help spread the news. A little over a year after we had been approved we got an email from my aunt who lives in another state. She told me that she knew someone that was pregnant and not married and was considering placing her son for adoption. My aunt had shared with her our blog and information. Our sweet Julie read it and felt like we were to be the parents of her little boy. She emailed a couple of days and we read the sweetest words: “I've read your blog and it really touched me. Ever since I found out I was pregnant I never felt much like it was supposed to be mine. Please let me know if you can consider adopting my son. I know you will be a great choice.” We immediately felt so peaceful. We started emailing back and forth and building a relationship with her. We visited her a few weeks later and she immediately felt like family. About 3 months after she contacted us for the first time, she called us to let us know that the baby was going to be born that day. We jumped on the next flight and made it to the hospital a few hours after our sweet baby Lucas was born.
We spent time in the hospital with Julie and we met Lucas’ birthfather. We had a great time getting to know him and his family. We really cherished the time that we got to spend with Julie and Scottie and their families. When Lucas was 11 days old we flew home to Washington. We were so happy to be a family of 3!
Lucas is such a happy boy. We love being his parents! He is now 2 years old. We are now hoping to add another child to our family. We want him to be a big brother.
We have met with our caseworker and filled all the necessary paperwork and completed the background checks. We are now approved for adoption and looking for our next child! We are so excited for what the future will bring!
We eventually felt blessed that without being married a year, we knew that we were infertile and didn't have to deal with the month to month pain of not being pregnant. By the end of the year we were ready to start the adoption process. When we called LDS Family Services, they told us that we would have to wait until we had been married for two years before we could proceed. We asked for them to make a special exception, but they couldn't. So we waited.
Ryan and I filled out all the paperwork and did all the necessary things to get approved for adoption. After we were approved we told everyone that we knew that we were trying to adopt and asked them to help spread the news. A little over a year after we had been approved we got an email from my aunt who lives in another state. She told me that she knew someone that was pregnant and not married and was considering placing her son for adoption. My aunt had shared with her our blog and information. Our sweet Julie read it and felt like we were to be the parents of her little boy. She emailed a couple of days and we read the sweetest words: “I've read your blog and it really touched me. Ever since I found out I was pregnant I never felt much like it was supposed to be mine. Please let me know if you can consider adopting my son. I know you will be a great choice.” We immediately felt so peaceful. We started emailing back and forth and building a relationship with her. We visited her a few weeks later and she immediately felt like family. About 3 months after she contacted us for the first time, she called us to let us know that the baby was going to be born that day. We jumped on the next flight and made it to the hospital a few hours after our sweet baby Lucas was born.
We have met with our caseworker and filled all the necessary paperwork and completed the background checks. We are now approved for adoption and looking for our next child! We are so excited for what the future will bring!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Timeline
May 6, 2006: Our first date
August 7, 2006: Ryan proposed
October 20, 2006: We got MARRIED!
April and May 2007: We decide to pursue in-vitro fertilization
May 25, 2007: First appointment with the doctor
June 2007: Start giving myself injections
July 3, 2007: Extraction of 11 eggs. We know there is a very small chance that the sperm will be able to fertilize any eggs.
July 5, 2007: The worst day ever. The IVF didn't work.
August 2007: We buy our first house
October 2007: I get a new job, phew-I didn't like my other job.
December 2007: We want to pursue adoption. LDS Family Services tell us that we have to wait until we have been married for two years.
Summer 2008: We look into the state's foster-adopt program, take some classes, and decide that this is not what we want to do.
November and December 2008: We turn in our adoption paperwork and our reference letters.
January 2009: First appointment with our caseworker.
January and February 2009: Fill out all the rest of the paperwork, put our profile together, make decisions about what preferences we have.
March 2009: Sell our house and move into our new house! Finish financial statement, background checks, fingerprints.
April 24, 2009: Home Study
May 2009: Utah background check (since I lived there in the last five years)
June 15, 2009: Finally we are approved! Our profile goes online. We get a new caseworker.
August 2009: We send out hundreds of pass along cards to family and friends.
October 20, 2009: Celebrate our 3rd anniversary by going on a cruise with my sister and her husband.
November 6-7, 2009: Adoption conference in Portland
January-February, 2010: Emotional roller coaster not ending the way we were hoping for.
March 2010: Slowly getting back to normal life. Hoping, praying, fasting that something will happen soon.
It has been almost 3 years since the IVF, and infertility still kicks my butt even when I don't expect it. I hate it. I am so happy that I have Ryan right by my side during all of this. He is such a great support. Ryan has been amazing and I don't think that I could have gotten through the last year without him. We are so happy together, even through the struggles. We are best friends. I don't know when things will happen, but I do know that if I have Ryan walking with me, we will be happy and strong to endure anything that comes our way.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Roller coaster
Infertility and adoption have been an extreme roller coaster to say the least. We have been on this ride for almost 3 years.
Excuse me while I go throw up now.
The most recent roller coaster ride just ended.
Without going into details we are facing a loss right now from what looked like a very promising situation. We were planning and looking forward to it. We were hoping and praying.
But it fell through.
And the nursery that we thought was going to be occupied is now closed indefinitely.
We are now struggling to make sense of everything. It has been a very emotional few days. And I am sure that it will continue to be emotional as we grieve.
As we spoke with our caseworker, he emphasized that we will need to grieve and he likened it to a miscarriage or death. We attended the temple yesterday and felt peace and comfort with the decision that we made. And although we know that it is the right decision for our family there is still a lot of pain. We need to adjust the visions that we had for our family in the next few weeks, months, and years.
Ryan and I have cried together. But then we have looked at each other and said that we were going to be okay. We have been promised that we would be parents and we will be. We just don't know when that will happen. We need to trust Heavenly Father and that he has a plan for us. We have a great relationship. We have only grown closer through our infertility and adoption struggles. As I sobbed the other day I told Ryan that I didn't know why Heavenly Father thought I was strong enough for all of this. But now I know that I am. We will make it through okay. We may still be hurt and sad, but there is a baby and babies that are meant to come to our family and it will happen.
We will do everything, we will go through anything, and we will endure everything that we need to so that our children will come to our family.
Two tickets for the next ride please.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I heart the Olympics
The Olympics start tomorrow. I am so excited. Also my 6 sisters and mom will be in town for the next few days. Awesome! And the party starts now!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Shabby Apple Giveaway
My sister's blog is having a giveaway for this dress. Check it out and comment and maybe you will win!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Growing up Adopted by Liz
This is my cousin Liz. She was adopted when she was a baby.
Recently I asked Liz about how she felt about adoption. These are her comments and her amazing story about meeting her birth father last year:
I know this is a great subject and of great importance to you. I will tell you what I can now and if you want to ask more feel free.
I feel special about being adopted. I know it is weird, but I feel like just because someone gave me up doesn't mean they don't love me. It is because I know that Heavenly Father wanted me to go to a certain home. God's delay is not God's denial, and I know that you will get your turn soon enough.
I grew up knowing that I was adopted, and my mom and dad always made a point of telling me so that I would never question any love or doubt that this is where I was supposed to be in life.
Sometimes I would ask questions, and my parents would always seem to have the right answers for me. Since it was through LDS Family Services they had some non personal sheets of information about my birth parents that they would let me read, and tell me how special these people were to love me enough to let me go! Being a mom now they were so right. I could never let a child go!
In my eyes my parents did and said everything right!
I had the chance to meet my birth father just this past July, and it was a great time in my life. I cannot express how much I was grateful to him for doing this wonderful act for me, and for him being brave enough to come to my home with his mom and his 17 year old daughter to meet me and my family! We keep in contact through e-mail, facebook, and I have a wonderful relationship with him and my half-sister plus my grandma!
I feel blessed to have 3 Fathers who love me soo much and that is more than most ask for!
I wish you two the best and that all your prayers are answered!
Love, Liz
I feel special about being adopted. I know it is weird, but I feel like just because someone gave me up doesn't mean they don't love me. It is because I know that Heavenly Father wanted me to go to a certain home. God's delay is not God's denial, and I know that you will get your turn soon enough.
I grew up knowing that I was adopted, and my mom and dad always made a point of telling me so that I would never question any love or doubt that this is where I was supposed to be in life.
Sometimes I would ask questions, and my parents would always seem to have the right answers for me. Since it was through LDS Family Services they had some non personal sheets of information about my birth parents that they would let me read, and tell me how special these people were to love me enough to let me go! Being a mom now they were so right. I could never let a child go!
In my eyes my parents did and said everything right!
I had the chance to meet my birth father just this past July, and it was a great time in my life. I cannot express how much I was grateful to him for doing this wonderful act for me, and for him being brave enough to come to my home with his mom and his 17 year old daughter to meet me and my family! We keep in contact through e-mail, facebook, and I have a wonderful relationship with him and my half-sister plus my grandma!
I feel blessed to have 3 Fathers who love me soo much and that is more than most ask for!
I wish you two the best and that all your prayers are answered!
Love, Liz
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Olympic Countdown
Only 22 days! 16 days of glory! I love love love the Olympics! I can't wait. We are going to have a big party and most of my sisters (hopefully all) will be in town to party!
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