Our family is growing!

I am updating this blog in a month since my last post instead of six months since my last post. That must mean that there is some kind of news, right?! Right!

We received word that we were licensed for foster care on June 20. Home finders (the group that finds homes for foster children) called us and said that he saw that we had been licensed and that he was looking for respite care for 18 month old twins for a week while their foster parents went on vacation. I told him that we would do it if he couldn't find anyone else. He ended up calling back and so we took in the twins for the week. On Tuesday, June 24, we started getting more phone calls. The first phone call we got was about a little boy about to turn one. We got a phone call about triplets just born in May and the first one was being released from the hospital. We got a few other phone calls about other children that needed a home. 

Since we started getting licensed we started praying that we would be able to discern what situation was right for our family and be able to discern quickly since they would need an answer quickly. We knew immediately that the triplets weren't right and that the other children weren't right. We felt good about the little boy that was about to turn one and we got more information about him. He was in a foster home and they were needing to transfer him to a permanent foster home that would also be able to adopt him. With the state they always have 2 concurrent plans: reunification with the biological family and a permanent plan usually involving adoption. The other thing about this little boy is that they needed a home that would be able to take in his baby brother that is going to be born within the next couple of weeks.

By the end of the week (we still had the twins in our home) we were in contact with the current foster family. We set up a time to come meet him and start the transition for him into our home. We met Isaac (that is what we are calling him) and he is a sweet, smiley, happy little guy. Lucas was pretty excited to see him and meet him. He came over to our house for a few hours on Tuesday of that week and then he went on a trip with the foster family. Julie was able to come over the weekend (another post for that visit!) and so we got to spend the weekend with her. After she left we got to work to putting our house in order to accommodate a year old and eventually a newborn as well. We turned Lucas' bed back into a crib and moved Lucas' big boy bed upstairs. Lucas and Isaac are going to be sharing a room. I bought a dresser and refinished it. I sorted through all of Lucas' old clothes to find things that would fit. He didn't come with anything except for what he was wearing. He came to our home permanently on Thursday, July 10. Ryan had work off on Friday and we were all able to start adjusting to our new normal. Isaac is a happy little boy and we are so happy to have him in our home. We celebrated his birthday on Sunday, July 13, with his previous foster family. We will have a party for him next week with family. We are now waiting for the baby to be born. His due date is July 28, but she has always gone early with her babies.  

We aren't going to give specific details to Isaac's situation and his biological parents. It is a sensitive issue and confidential. We will probably not post pictures of him facing the camera. After talking with the caseworker, we are hopeful and  confident that this will lead to adoption of both boys. We do not think it will be an easy journey and it will probably be a long road ahead, but we feel like we can enjoy this and love and welcome these children into our home and into our family.

Meeting cousins for the first time

Brothers at the park

This journey of adopting for a second time has been a long road (and it is not over and might be more than a year longer!). We felt like we should open doors by getting licensed through the state. In all honesty, I hoped that while we were doing this we would be contacted by a potential birth mother and we wouldn't have to go through the state and foster care. It scared me and still does a little bit! It is different. I have had to change my dream of having a perfect open adoption like with Lucas. I had to change my dream that we would get a newborn. We have had to open our hearts to a new dream. We think that this situation is perfect for us: Isaac just turned one and a newborn that we will be able to take from the hospital. It is not going to be easy and I am sure that there will be bumps in the road, but we are ready for this and ready to jump all in. I have heard that some people get wrapped up with the courts and the process and forget to see the joy that comes with the children. We are already in love with Isaac and we want him to feel wanted and loved and protected. He needs that and he deserves that. We are putting our whole hearts into it and if the worst case scenario happens and for some reason the courts allow him to return to his biological family, we will be heartbroken, but hope that he will have felt loved and safe in our home and family.

"If you came to me and said 'there are two people in the world who want you more than anything; they'll do their best, they'll make some mistakes, and you'll only get them for a short time, but they will love you more than you can ever imagine.' Well, when that's true, I'd say 'so much is possible.'" ~The Odd Life of Timothy Green

Why?

There has been a question running through my mind the last couple of weeks: 

Why does it have to be so hard for us to build our family?

Nothing has come easy for us. I take that back: the only thing that was easy for us was that we knew the exact reason for our infertility. But since that point, I feel like nothing has come easy or quickly. We went through IVF 8 months after we were married and it didn't work. We had to wait until we were married for 2 years to start our adoption journey. Our caseworker at the time was slow and it took us more than 6 months to get approved. Over the course of a year we had one hopeful situation that didn't work out. And then we ended up waiting for 18 months from the time we started until Lucas' birth mother contacted us. He was born a week before our 4th anniversary. A few months after Lucas turned 1 we decided to start the adoption process again. We wanted our kids to be close in age. It has now been the length of 3 pregnancies since that happened. We were scammed, we were hopeful in one situation, and other than that no contact has come.

We feel dejected. We feel like we aren't cute enough, or smart enough, or cool enough, or that we make enough money, or even that we don't live in the right place. We want Lucas to be a big brother and we want to be parents to more than one child. And so it is hard. 

We have decided to continue on this roller coaster of adoption and are hopeful that something will happen. We have also decided to open more doors and are almost licensed through the state for the foster-adopt program. We don't know what will happen, but we continue to be hopeful that the right child or children will come into our family. As we have been taking classes and doing tons of paperwork and having another home study, we have felt like we are on the right track and we feel happy to be doing something and that we are moving closer to where we need to be. We are and have been done with everything for almost a month and have just been waiting for our background checks to clear (since we have committed so many felonies since our last backgrounds last year). 

So back to my question: Why does it have to be so hard for us to build our family? I am still not quite sure that answer to that. And I still struggle with it. We see couples get pregnant, we see couples get approved and contacted by birth parents quickly, but it hasn't come quick or easy for us. 

A couple of weeks ago our Sacrament meeting talks were about prayer. I went home and thought about what I can do to improve my prayers. I remembered a talk that I read when I was a missionary and I pulled it out and read it. It is called Improving our Prayers by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin.

He goes over the pattern for prayer outlined in Psalms 37.

The first step is to "fret not" (v. 1). "When we worry about the future, we create unhappiness in the present...Instead of worrying, focus on doing all that you can, and then leave the worrying to your Heavenly Father."

The second step is to "trust in the Lord" (v. 3).

The third step is "do good" (v. 3). 

The fourth step is to "delight thyself also in the Lord" (v. 4). "Instead of worrying or grumbling that our prayers have gone unanswered, we should delight ourselves in the Lord. Be grateful. Be happy. Know that the Lord, in His time, will bring about all your righteous desires--sometimes in ways we predict, sometimes in ways we could not have possibly forseen. What a wonderful recipe for happiness and peace."

The fifth step is to "commit thy way unto the Lord" (v. 5). 

The sixth step is to "rest in the Lord" (v. 7). "Sometimes the hardest thing we can do is wait. The Lord has His own timetable, and although it may frustrate us, His timing is always perfect. When we rest in the Lord, we allow Him to work His will for us in His own time and in His own way."

I don't know what will happen to our family, but I believe in this pattern of prayer and I have been working on it. Worrying won't help, I need to trust in the Lord, do good, and delight in the Lord. He has a plan for us and although I don't know what that is, it will be more wonderful than we could ever forsee. The sixth step is hard, it is so hard to wait, but I take comfort that the Lord's timing is always perfect. We will understand why it had to be the way that it has been. Lucas prays everyday that we can get a baby and I know that God hears his prayers and our's. 

"We will never be alone so long as we know how to pray."

Hope is the anchor of my soul

Family and friends often ask us how the adoption process is going. I am always happy that they are thinking about us, but sad that there is currently nothing to report. We have been "trying" for baby #2 for 2 years. We haven't had any kind of contact from an expectant parent in almost a year. It is hard not having any control over when we are going to be able to add to our family. We continue to hope and pray that we will be blessed with more children.

One year ago I posted my thoughts about infertility and the emotional roller coaster of adoption. A slew of birth and pregnancy announcements have been made since then. I continue to try to not let it affect me, but it is hard. My newest nephews (now 15 months and 7 months) that I wanted our next child to be close in age to are now growing up. I wanted to be wrong about our chance to have a child closer in age, but it looks like I was right. A few months ago my sister called me out of the blue. She was miraculously pregnant. With her first child they had to use fertility treatments. Her son was born right we when got approved for the second time. I am so so so happy for her. There are other pregnancy miracles that I have been made aware of recently.  In some of not my best moments I wonder, "Where is our miracle?" I am not proud of those thoughts and get down on myself for them. I know that I can't tell God what to bless me with and when. But I also know that "Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you."

In my last post (6 months ago), I talked about waiting patiently as Lucas grows up. He is now 3. He is potty trained and he is in a big boy bed. He is now a Sunbeam at church. All things that scared me because I didn't want him to grow up so fast especially because he doesn't have a sibling yet. These were all exciting things and I am so proud of my big boy. Now I have moved on to being anxious about him giving up naps, going to preschool, and eventually school. Once again exciting things, but hard on me because it means he is growing up. He prays everyday: "Please bless that we can get a baby." If we don't say it in our prayers, he quickly reminds us to say it. What a sweet boy. We sure love him and he brings us so much joy even if he is growing up too fast.

Lucas at the dentist for the first time. He did so well!

So what do I do? How do I continue to (try to) wait patiently?

I have been focusing on HOPE. "Hope for a better world," "having a perfect brightness of hope," and having "hope smiling brightly before us." I have a Hope wall next to my bed with quotes about hope to help me "trust in happier days ahead."

Whenever we begin to feel

 as if we can no longer go on

HOPE whispers in our ears

to remind us that we are STRONG

----Robert M Hensel

Don't you give up.

Don't you quit.

You keep walking.

You keep trying.

There is help and happiness ahead....

It will be all right in the end.

Trust God

and believe in

good things to come.

-----Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul

And sings a tune-without the words

And never stops at all.

----Emily Dickinson

Hope anchors the soul.

----Hebrews 6:19

A quote that has been running through my head over and over is "The Lord's delays often seem long; some last a lifetime. But they are always calculated to bless. They need never be times of loneliness or sorrow or impatience." I have been trying to figure out how I can make this time to not be lonely or sorrowful and help myself to be patient. This is especially hard during the dreary winter months. I try to stay busy. I make goals for myself to achieve. I play with Lucas. I go to an exercise class. I study the scriptures and conference talks. I serve in my callings. I have something to look forward to (right now it is the Super Bowl--Go Seahawks!)

There are definite times of loneliness and sorrow and impatience, but I would like to think that I am improving. I sure hope I am. My home screen on my phone says: "Believe in miracles" and I do. There are miracles out there for our family. And it will be wonderful and exactly how it is supposed to turn out.

Visit our profile, share it, help us spread the word.

Go Seahawks! Beat the Broncos!

Waiting patiently while Lucas is growing up

Lucas is going to turn 3 in less than 3 months. We have now been approved for longer than it took with finding and getting Lucas. My heart is sometimes very anxious. I feel like some of this stems from thinking about how big Lucas is getting. He is learning so much and becoming such a big boy. And it is so exciting! Today I looked at him and wondered to myself, "When did he get to be such a big boy?" I have been thinking about potty training and moving him to a bed. I look forward to those things, but it also pains me. I always imagined having more than one child in diapers. I always imagined Lucas moving from his crib to a bed because a litle brother or sister needed the crib. This is not the case. And it makes me sad. I feel anxiety because I see him growing up so much and he doesn't have a sibling to share his childhood with yet.

Oh my heart.

I have been trying to be in patient in all of this. I don't think I have done a very good job. I am so happy to be Lucas' mother. And I find joy and happiness everyday. When I start to get anxious about not having another child by now, I try to look at him, really look at him, and play with him and be there for him. I am doing a better job lately. I have read a talk by President Henry B. Eyring multiple times recently and it has given me some insight and helped me feel that all will be okay even if I don't have 2 kids in diapers or Lucas moves into a big boy bed.

The talk is called "Where is the Pavillion?" given in the October 2012 conference.

"Abraham’s heart seems to have been right long before Sarah conceived Isaac and before they received their promised land. Heaven had other purposes to fulfill first. Those purposes included not only building Abraham and Sarah’s faith but also teaching them eternal truths that they shared with others on their long, circuitous route to the land prepared for them. The Lord’s delays often seem long; some last a lifetime. But they are always calculated to bless. They need never be times of loneliness or sorrow or impatience."

I feel so much strength and my patience is increased when I read "the Lord's delays often seem long...but they are always calculated to bless. They need never be times of loneliness or sorrow or impatience." I am trying to find other ways to fill my time. I need to serve more and bless others around me.

"Although His time is not always our time, we can be sure that the Lord keeps His promises."

I know that He will keep His promises to me. A few months ago I was just starting to read the Book of Mormon again. We read about the Nephites traveling to the Promised Land.

1 Nephi 2:20 And inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments, ye shall prosper, and shall be led to a land of promise; yea, even a land which I have prepared for you; yea, a land which is choice above all other lands.

1 Nephi 7:12-13 the Lord is able to do all things‍ according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith‍ in him...let us be faithful to him. And if it so be that we are faithful to him, we shall obtain the land of promise...

I have a couple of different "lands of promise." My current land of promise that I am trying to reach is adopting another child. The Lord will lead us to a land that He has prepared for us. The Lord has a plan in store for us. There are more children out there for us. As we are faithful, we will prosper, children will come, we will be blessed. And we will reach our land of promise. It wasn't easy for Nephi. There were problems along the way. He even had to build his own ship, but the Lord led and guided him and they reached the land of promise. It may not (and has not) been easy for us. Time has gone by and we had to redo paperwork and background checks and renew our home study, but the Lord is helping us build our ship. He is leading and guiding us. And we are promised as we are faithful we will prosper and be led to our land of promise.

I was preparing a lesson for my primary class this last week and I read this scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 98:1-3:

Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;
Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament--the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.
Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name's glory, saith the Lord.

My heart is comforted. I am giving thanks for the amazing blessings that I have received, especially to be Lucas' mother. I know that the Lord hears every single one of our prayers. And in every single one we ask Him to bless the birth parents of our next child to be led to us and recognize us and for us to be able to add to our family and Lucas to be a big brother.

We may not know when it will happen, but it will happen and we are looking forward to that, but we have learned recently to "wait patiently on the Lord" for his promises are always fulfilled.

Adoption Fundraising Yard Sale

I added balloons to the signs and arrows before we put them on the street

A couple of months ago I felt like we should do a yard sale to raise money for our adoption. I started formulating the plans and thinking about what I needed to do. I read all kinds of tips for garage/yard sales and tried to use them. We asked family and friends to donate to the cause by cleaning out their closets and houses. We received tons of donations and were so happy. We were so grateful. I made really cute signs for the road and really advertised it on Craigslist and Facebook. We had hundreds of people show up. Lots of them said they saw the signs and wanted to come support us. Some said they saw our ads and wanted to come. And some were professional garage salers. We set up a table for a lemonade stand and a bake sale. We also had a raffle and raffled off 3 prize baskets. My sister was in charge of that and my nieces and nephews helped sell tickets and bake sale items.
Some people were so nice and just gave us donations. There was a family who are teachers/missionaries in the Dominican Republic and are hoping to adopt a set of siblings from the DR and bought a couple dollars worth of stuff and ended up writing a check for $100! People are so nice and we immediately feel a bond with other adoptive families. We talked to quite a few other families who have adopted. We feel so blessed and happy with the outcome. We had a woman come by and then later she came back and said she felt like she really needed to come back and get some of our cards. She didn't know why, but felt like she should. I feel so happy that she did. Another woman saw my post on Facebook, followed it to my page and saw our blog and then read our story. She told me that she knew us and our story even though we didn't know her. I feel like this was a good opportunity to talk and share our adoption story and our hope to adopt again.

We are exhausted to say the least. I had been working non stop on organizing and collecting things. We got up before 6 and started getting it all set up. I was on my feet until 5 and took over 13,000 steps! It was a great day and I am happy it is over. We were incredibly grateful for the support that we got. We raised more money than we thought, but more than that, we raised awareness about adoption and that we are still hoping to adopt again.

 

The garage the night before, organized chaos?

Bright and early in the morning

Driveway sign



Bake Sale and Lemonade stand

Raffle table



Take a card, pass them out

End of the night hugs

And kisses for mommy

 

 

Why my fingers are still crossed

Our family triangle: Ryan cuddling on me and Lucas cuddling on daddy with his feet on me.
We want to be a family square soon!

We have now been approved to adopt a second child for one whole year. We recently filled out more paperwork and had our fingerprints taken to keep our profile active. This last year was a little easier (for the most part) than the first time that we were trying to adopt. We have been parents for 2 1/2 years and love being Lucas' parents. We love seeing him learn and grow each day. We have that blessing of being parents already and so that has been one thing that made this last year a little easier. A little over a year of being approved last time I wrote this post about God remembering Rachel and how He would remember me. At the end of that post I wrote, "Every night as I fall asleep, I cross my fingers. I am always hoping that the next day will bring good news. Someday soon that good news will come." Two days after that post we received the email from Julie asking if we would consider adopting her son!
I find myself crossing my fingers more and more lately and hoping that the good news will come soon.Very recently we had an experience that gave us so much hope that we would be able to adopt a second child very soon. We started thinking that this was going to happen and although we didn't want to get too excited, we started thinking about and planning our future with this child. We felt rejection, sadness, and loneliness when the couple chose another family to adopt that child. We hope that things work out for them and their little girl. This is the way that adoption goes. I have been reading other couple's adoption stories. I don't know why some adoptions happen so quickly and some take years. It is a process and it is hard to compare one adoption experience to another. But I know that the child that is meant to be in our family will be. God has a plan for our family. We are very hopeful that we will be able to adopt again soon. We hope that Lucas will be a big brother soon. We don't know when that will happen, but we will continue to be hopeful and cross our fingers that the day will be soon.
It seems as though Lucas has picked up on crossing his fingers. We find him crossing his fingers sometimes too. The other day he announced to us that he wants a baby sister. Maybe he knows something we don't know. We aren't picky though, it doesn't have to be a girl, we would welcome a boy or a girl with open arms and grateful hearts.
My fingers are crossed.

Reflections: Surviving Infertility and as an Adoptive Mother

We have been approved to adopt a second child for 9 months now. It took us 4 months to get approved. If we had been pregnant, we would be snuggling a little baby now. I wrote the following a couple of months ago. It was therapeutic writing down some of the feelings I was having and have. I debated about whether or not share this, but I decided to let others glimpse into what it is like to deal with infertility and the adoption process.

 

 Sometimes infertility slaps me in the face. I am not expecting it and boom, there it is. It is unbearable. I seem to suck in oxygen, but stop breathing all at the same time. The uncontrollable sobs don't stop for a long time. There is a lot of ugly crying when dealing with infertility and the emotional roller coaster surrounding adoption.

 There are times when I am fine when going to a baby shower or to see a new baby. But there are other times when I have to make an excuse not to go. There are times when I feel fine to go, but then as I leave, my heart breaks a little and my body betrays me and I have to drive for an hour before I can get control of myself. When there is a group of women together, lots of times the topic turns to pregnancy and childbirth. Once again there are times when I am okay with this. I have heard it all, I have 6 sisters! But then there are times when I need to step away from the conversation because I don't always trust my heart to take it in.

 My sister-in-law just had her 5th child. I babysat her kids while she was in the hospital. I took her 4 children to the hospital to see their new baby brother. I was so happy and excited for their family. Their faces lit up like it was Christmas when they saw their baby brother. As I drove them home in their minivan, my throat seemed to close up and the tears started to come. This was a slap in the face. I really was so happy for them, but then the thoughts of infertility came into my mind. I will never have the "hospital" experience when people can come see my new baby. I may never be able to fill a minivan with kids. Yes, I have my little boy, and I am so so so happy about that! I know he is such a miracle and I am so grateful everyday for him.

 Another sister-in-law recently told us, after a very emotional week following the funerals of 2 family members, that they were expecting baby #5. Cue the tears and ugly sob. I am so happy for them, but the thoughts of when it will happen for me can't be stopped.  It is so hard not knowing if and when another child will come to us. Both of these sisters-in-law were pregnant and had babies in the time that we were approved and looking for Lucas. Their children are 1.5 and 1 year older than Lucas. When they told us that time, we were so happy for them and happy that maybe we would adopt a baby in that time frame and they would all be really close in age. As they grew older and older, I got more depressed that our child would not be the same age. This time around, maybe I am more jaded, but I feel like there goes our chance again to get a baby close in age to their children.

 Sometimes men don't understand. I love my husband so much and could not have made it through all this and continue to make it through this without his help. He is so wonderful. He understands the deep yearning feeling that I have to be a mom, but doesn't always know what to say or do when I vent about these feelings. These are natural feelings for a woman and they aren't just going to go away. I think that men and women deal with infertility in a totally different way. I am not sure if the infertility slap happens for men, but I know how real it is for me.

 I see women all around me with new babies or pregnant bellies. Some of them on the second, third, fourth, even fifth babies. I am ready for another baby. I want Lucas to be a big brother. I want my children to be close in age, like I am with my sisters.

 This is hard. It is so hard. But I am grateful for it. I wouldn't have Lucas without all of this. He brings me so much joy.

 

  Adoption is a hard thing too. The waiting and wondering and waiting. Last year we were contacted by someone and got our hopes up that we would be able to adopt again. We found out that she was lying to us about being pregnant and just wanted attention. That made us feel embarrassed and sad and angry and very skeptical. We worry that we are not cool enough, or cute enough, or make enough money. Sometimes it feels like we are getting rejected over and over. On our profile we can see how many views each section gets. Before Lucas I would look almost daily, but this time around I know better. I only look every few weeks. This time it is a lot easier on our patience. We have Lucas and we are parents. Waiting so long before to be parents was so hard. This time around we are more patient and don't think about it every second of every day. We are trying to be hopeful. We know that things will work out, maybe not the way that we planned, but they will work out how they are supposed to.

 I have been listening to this song by Hilary Weeks. These lyrics really touch some of the feelings that I have.

 

I had it all mapped out in front of me,
Knew just where I wanted to go;
But life decided to change my plans,
And I found a mountain in the middle of my road.

I knew there was no way over it,
So I searched for a way around;
Brokenhearted I started climbin',
And at the top I found...

Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I'm here I would never trade...

The grace that I feel,
And the faith that I find;
Through the bitter-sweet tears,
And the sleepless nights;

I used to pray he'd take it all away,
But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

 

 

All of this is worth it. It is our beautiful heartbreak.

What's Mine is Yours

This is a powerful song about adoption. This has been on repeat in our house lately. I love adoption. And I love the open adoption that we share with Lucas' birth family. This line from the song gets me everytime:

Holding the weight of the world and her newborn baby

Trying her best to be brave

Wrapped in hope giving him away to a longing family

When her courage met their eyes she saw

Somehow her baby was born to be in their arms

 

 

Katherine Nelson, co-writer and singer, said: "The circle of women in my life is quite large. Between four sisters, ten sister-in-laws, and a whole lot of friends I’ve witnessed so much heartache when it comes to watching some of these women not be physically able to bear children, or suffer losses of children along the way. For some, creating families has come easier than others. For many it is a struggle. I’m always surprised at how miraculously God’s hand works in helping put families together. I wanted so badly to include this message on the album...This song was written for every woman who has the heart of a mother, both old and young, and especially to those who yearn for a family of their own."

Pass along cards

 

 

We are getting pass along cards printed to help spread the word that we are hoping to adopt again. Last time we were trying to adopt we sent them out to everyone we knew and asked them to keep them in their wallets and hand them out to people that may know of any adoption situations. We sent some to my aunt in Minnesota. She held onto hers for awhile and looked at occasionally. One day she was talking to a friend. The friend told her that her daughter was pregnant and considering adoption. My aunt remembered that we were hoping to adopt and gave her our information. A few days later we got an email from Lucas' birth mother saying that she had read our blog and wanted us to be her son's parents! We know that there is power in letting everyone know that we are hoping to adopt again. The cards should be in our mailbox in a few days. We are planning on sending them out with our Christmas cards. If you would like some, please let me know. We would appreciate any help in spreading the word of our hope to adopt. Thanks for your help! 

Adoption video

Adoption is a wonderful and amazing thing. We love it so much. We are so grateful to be Lucas' parents and so grateful to have a relationship with his birth parents. We love them so much. This video is so beautiful. I love it.

Babble

My younger sister Melanie writes for Babble at Being Pregnant. She and her husband have infertility struggles of their own as well and she writes about that. She is currently doing a series called Real Women's Stories. It features different women and their infertility journey and hope. My story was featured recently of a success of adoption.
You can read it here

Here is another great story about Sarah and Chance's adoption: "I know people say that, ‘Well it’s different when they’re your own.’ It doesn’t matter. They don’t have to be blood. She was mine.”

Also have you ever wondered about adoptive breastfeeding? My story of this was also featured. You can read it here.

Bust a Myth

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. RESOLVE has encouraged people to bust some myths surrounding infertility and I decided to weigh in.

Myth #1: "So and so had cancer and they were able to have 3 children after."

I know that you are well meaning, but this is not our case. It kind of hurts when people say this. It is almost like saying to a cancer patient, "My aunt had cancer and died last year." You don't want to hear that. Ryan's cancer was probably very different than so and so and because of that we are never going to be able to have biological children.

Myth #2 "Just adopt and then you will get pregnant."

First off, don't ever say JUST adopt. Deciding to adopt should be proceeded by many serious discussions. It is not easy. There are mounds of paperwork that need to be filled out and it took us months and months to finally get approved. After we were approved there was a lot of time that went by that nothing happened and we were on an emotional roller coaster. We have been blessed with a miracle named Lucas and his amazing birth family, but it didn't come until after a lot of time and trial.
Secondly, not everyone that adopt gets pregnant. I know that there are couples that do and that is amazing, but we hear about those stories because they are amazing. There are plenty more couples that adopt and never get pregnant.


Infertility is something that I will always deal with. Yes, I know that we have been so blessed and that we have a perfect little baby now, but infertility creeps up on me every so often and I have to find ways to deal with it. Adoption is not a cure for infertility, it is a cure for childlessness. There is a quote by Barbara Eck Manning that says:

My infertility resides in my heart as an old friend. I do not hear from it for weeks at a time, and then, a moment, a thought, a baby announcement or some such thing, and I will feel the tug-maybe even be sad or shed a few tears. And I think, "There's my old friend." It will always be part of me...

We have been "lucky" in a sense that we know the cause of our infertility and that we haven't had the month to month disappointment. We still deal with it sometimes and it still hurts, not as much, but it is still there at times.

After I told someone last week that Lucas was adopted she asked if I had children of my own too. I took a deep breath in and said that he is ours and that he is our miracle. Look at that face, he is a miracle and we are so grateful for his wonderful birth family.

Adoption Story

My sister sent me this link about a mother who talks about adoption. It is a great interview. I really enjoyed reading it.

This is a quote from it:

"There’s a quote that says, “Adoption is about stewardship, not ownership.” I love it! Having our kids sealed, I don’t feel like we cut them off from their birth families, but that we’ve added their birth families to our family. We are all stewards of our children. We don’t own them. They are all Heavenly Father’s children. The sealing power is not going to cut off their extended family–it’s like we’re all this big huge family."

Awesome. I love adoption. Meanwhile I am nibbling on this adorable boy:

Baby We Were Meant For Each Other

While I was waiting to come home after the adoption my sister had checked out this book from the library. I started reading it and after reading about 30 pages, I knew that it was a book that I wanted to have. It is a great book about adoption.

The author is a host on NPR. This is a great article about him and this book. He shares the journey for he and his wife as they struggle with infertility, make the decision to adopt, and then travel to China to adopt his two daughters.

Here is an excerpt from the book:

"Adoption is a miracle. I don't mean just that it's amazing, terrific, and a wonderful thing to do. I mean that it is, as the dictionary says, "a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of divine agency."

My wife and I, not having had children in the traditional, Abraham-and-Sarah-begat manner, have learned to make jokes about the way we've had our family. ("Pregnant! Why would you do that? Those clothes! And you can't drink for months!") Jokes are sometimes the only sensible answer to some of the astoundingly impertinent questions people can ask, right in your children's faces. "How much did they cost? Are they healthy? You know, you hear stories. So why did you go overseas? Not enough kids here?" But we cannot imagine anything more remarkable and marvelous than having a stranger put into your arms who becomes, in minutes, your flesh, your blood: your life. There are times when the adoption process is exhausting and painful and makes you want to scream. But, I am told, so does childbirth."


I recently read another book called Fairest. It was an entertaining book and kept my attention, but what made me so happy was when the main character, Aza, is talking to a gnome. Aza had been left at an inn when she was a baby. The innkeepers took her in and raised her with their other children. She says as she is showing off a skill that only she can do, "No one else can do it, perhaps my birth family would be able to."
The gnomes asks, "The innkeepers are not your true parents?"
And she answers, "They're my true parents, but not my birth parents."

Hooray for adoption!

Baby Shower

My sister, Melanie, was in town this weekend for the purpose of snuggling with Baby Lucas and throwing him a shower. She is amazing. She loves throwing parties and is so good at it. You can check out her blog for Part 1 and Part 2 of the shower.

It was a great party. So many people came and were so nice. He was given so many wonderful things. Lucas is loved by so many. He was a perfect baby the entire shower as he was passed around. We had a fabulous time! Thanks Mel, you are the best!

National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Month!

We love our little guy so much. We are so grateful for adoption. We are grateful to Lucas' amazing birth parents who placed him with us. It is a miracle.

Hopefully adoption will be an option for more and more people.

A quote from Elder Russell M. Nelson from a talk that he gave about abortion:

Why destroy a life that could bring great joy to others? There are better ways of dealing with an unwanted pregnancy. When a life is created by sinful behavior, the best way to begin personal repentance is to preserve the life of that child. To add another serious sin to a serious sin already committed only compounds the grief. Adoption is a wonderful alternative to abortion. Both the baby and the adoptive parents can be greatly blessed by the adoption of that baby into a home where the child will be lovingly nurtured and where the blessings of the gospel will be available.

“We … express our support of unwed parents who place their children for adoption in stable homes with a mother and a father. We also express our support of the married mothers and fathers who adopt these children.

“Children are entitled to the blessing of being reared in a stable family environment where father and mother honor marital vows. Having a secure, nurturing, and consistent relationship with both a father and a mother is essential to a child’s well-being. When choosing adoption, unwed parents grant their children this most important blessing. Adoption is an unselfish, loving decision that blesses the child, birth parents, and adoptive parents in this life and throughout the eternities. We commend all those who strengthen children and families by promoting adoption.”

The Lucas Alexander story

Tuesday was my last day of work. I was so happy to be done and have a few days to get ready before I left for the baby. I slept in a little, exercised, and after I showered, Julie called. She told us that she would text us after her appointment. She was crying and scared because the doctor was nervous that the baby wasn't growing. They did a ultrasound and decided that she needed to go to the hospital and be induced. I asked her what she wanted me to do, and I said that we would get on the next plane. I called Ryan and he was just about to go into a test. He said that he would take his test and then immediately come home. I don't think he remembers anything on his test. I called my sister Nicole, she didn't answer, I texted her, she didn't answer. I needed someone, I was so stressed and trying to figure out what to do. I was so excited, but I was having a breakdown. I called Nicole again and she answered and said she would be over to help pack. Ryan's mom headed over as well. We got things packed and figured out a flight that worked well and didn't cost as much as we would have thought for being the same day. Ryan got home and we got everything ready. We got a call from the airline, the plane was delayed which meant we would miss our connecting flight. She said that we could stay overnight in Phoneix or leave the next day. I told her that the baby we were adopting was coming today and I needed to get there asap. She worked on getting me a ticket on another airline, it left an hour later, and got us there earlier, and it didn't cost the $1300 that it was online. We flew and surprisingly enough, I slept on the plane (I can sleep anywhere, anytime). When we landed in Salt Lake for our 45 minute layover, I got a text...Julie was at a 7. We had the next flight and got on thinking that by the time we landed the baby could have been born. We landed at 11:26 and I got a text saying the baby had been born. I called immediately. He had been born at 10:06 and was 5 lbs 13 oz. We got some pictures texted to us. He was so precious We were so excited. And so happy that baby and Julie were healthy.


We ran to the rental car place. We had made a reservation for a rental and we told them our situation and they upgraded us to a bigger car. (We saw the same girl that upgraded us today when we dropped off the car and showed her Lucas, she was very excited). We punched the hospital address into the GPS and headed over to the hospital. We met up with Julie's mom and she brought us into see Julie and the baby. It was such a beautiful sight. We couldn't stop smiling. It was amazing! We stayed for an hour or so. We talked about names and Julie mentioned that she really liked Lucas. One of our top names was Luke. We headed to my aunt and uncle's house around 2:30. We were in bed, but neither of us were asleep. Julie texted us at 3:30 saying that she had a long conversation with the baby and he liked the name Luke or Lucas. Ryan had just been thinking about Lucas and that is when we decided that was to be his name.


The next day was a very long day. We got to the hospital and there were a string of many visitors all day long. Scottie, the birth father, was there and we got to meet him and spend the whole day with him. We met so much of Julie's family as well as Scottie's. It was amazing. We talked about open adoption and how Lucas has so many people that love him so much. Scottie's mom and sister were just crying so much. They didn't think that they would ever see this little guy again. It was very emotional intense, but they really like us and believe that we will be great parents to Lucas. We had some alone time with Scottie and he told us that he had made the decision to place and was happy with his decision. He really liked us and said that it couldn't have been anyone else. It was a long and wonderful day. We were emotionally drained.


The nursing staff was so great. They all were aware of the adoption plan and accomodated us and made Julie so comfortable. We were so impressed. We spent the next several hours with Julie and no one else came. Lucas had his circumsion, so it was just Julie and Ryan and I. We had a great talk. She is amazing. We love her so much. Her caseworker came and she had to sign some papers saying that she was releasing custody to the agency since the placement paperwork couldn't be signed until 72 hours after the birth. It was a very emotional time and started feeling very real as Julie and I got him dressed and in his car seat.


We went out to eat with Julie and her boyfriend to Dairy Queen so she could show Lucas off to her coworkers. As we said goodbye to her and left in the car, Ryan and I were both so emotional. There we were with this little tiny baby, that such a wonderful young woman had trusted in our care. Wow. We got to my aunt and uncle's and had some alone time, just the three of us. It was amazing. We love this little boy so much. We were able to calm down enough to have dinner and sing happy birthday to Lucas with my extended family. We packed up our stuff and headed to my sister Michelle's for the night. Lucas was so sleepy. I had to set my alarm to wake up to feed him. He is doing so great. We had a busy day today.



We had to find some premie clothes, go to target, take the car back to the rental place (we are borrowing a car from my aunt and uncle), and then Julie and her boyfriend came over to spend some time with Lucas and us. She is doing great. She looks so good for just having a baby, and she says that she is feeling good.

We went to breakfast with Scottie and his family. His mom, who prior to this was against the adoption, was so welcoming and was so happy that we were to be Lucas' parents. She wrote us a long letter expressing that she was happy it was us and that Scottie was making the right choice. It was so great.


We went to a church and did all the paperwork. On the way there, Julie texted us and said "I can't wait to see you all in a little bit! I'm so happy this day is finally here!! The day your family gets a baby. He was totally worth the wait I think!" Wow. We both just started bawling. We have been crying a lot the last few days.

Scottie came in first and we were the witnesses when he signed. Before he signed we gave him a plaster of Lucas' hand that is a Christmas ornament and a frame of a couple pictures of him and Lucas and Lucas' hand and foot print. He was so happy with it. He could barely open them, he was shaking so much. He signed and then left and he got to feed Lucas with Ryan as Julie signed.

Julie came in and had to sign a lot of papers. I was one of the witnesses and her boyfriend Ben. It was a very tender experience watching both Julie and Scottie sign because of their love for Lucas. I was so happy, but my heart was breaking for them. They are amazing. We love them so much. We gave Julie a similar gift and took some pictures and said goodbye.

Words cannot express what joy we are feeling right now as well as how our hearts are so sad for Julie and Scottie. This little boy is so lucky to have so many people who love him.

He is ours! We have been waiting for this miracle for so long and he is finally here. He was worth the wait! We couldn't have asked for a better adoption experience. This was amazing!

Birth parents

Lucas loves his birth parents

"I love my birth mother"

Our adoption is so wonderful because of these two amazing people. The paperwork has been signed and our hearts are breaking for them. We love them so much. We love their families and are so happy to be apart of this miracle. We couldn't have asked for a better adoption. Lucas is one lucky boy to be loved by so many people.