Ryan and Alicia's Adoption Site: Empty cribs and hearts

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This is our story: Ryan and I were set up on a blind date by my sister and his sister-in-law. I was living in Utah at the time and he was in Washington. We went on a fabulous date to dinner and an Arena football game. It was great and Ryan loved that I knew what was going on and loved sports. At the end of the date he asked if he could see me the next day before I left to go back to Utah. We played games with his family the next night and had a great time. We talked for a long time that night and wondered when we could see each other again. And he kissed me good night!

Ryan called me every day that week and one day he asked if I would go to a concert with him on a Tuesday night. I didn't think there was anyway that I could fly up and go, but I worked it out that I would fly there on Tuesday and fly back to Utah on Wednesday. It was great to see him again.

He flew to Utah a couple weeks after that. We were just hitting it off so well. One night as we were talking he opened up. I knew that he had had cancer and had been through so much a few years earlier. We had talked about that, but this night he went into much more depth--especially the side effects of all the treatments that he had undergone. He told me how he would probably never be able to have biological children and he asked how I felt about adoption. This kind of shocked me, but I cared about Ryan and wanted to pursue this relationship. I wasn't going to end things because of this news. And adoption had always appealed to me.

We continued our long distance relationship. In June, after about 6 weeks of going back and forth, I made the decision to move to Washington to be closer to him. Timing of the blind date was perfect so that I could make this decision. I had recently graduated from BYU and was working at two part time jobs that I could easily leave. In July I moved to Washington. I found a job and in August Ryan proposed.

We were married in October. From the first date to our wedding was not quite 6 months. I swore I would never do that, oh well, he was the right one, at the right time, in the right place.

We went on a cruise for our honeymoon. It was awesome!

After being married for about 6 months, we both individually decided that it was time to add to our family of two. We knew that we would need to see the fertility specialist and do in-vitro fertilization (IVF) in order to have a baby. As we went through the IVF treatments, we had all the faith in the world that it was going to happen. The doctor told us that there was not a very good chance, but we had faith. Unfortunately it didn’t work. We were completely heartbroken.

Over the next few months we had to grieve with the loss of the child we never had.

We eventually felt blessed that without being married a year, we knew that we were infertile and didn't have to deal with the month to month pain of not being pregnant. By the end of the year we were ready to start the adoption process. When we called LDS Family Services, they told us that we would have to wait until we had been married for two years before we could proceed. We asked for them to make a special exception, but they couldn't. So we waited.

Ryan and I filled out all the paperwork and did all the necessary things to get approved for adoption. After we were approved we told everyone that we knew that we were trying to adopt and asked them to help spread the news. A little over a year after we had been approved we got an email from my aunt who lives in another state. She told me that she knew someone that was pregnant and not married and was considering placing her son for adoption. My aunt had shared with her our blog and information. Our sweet Julie read it and felt like we were to be the parents of her little boy. She emailed a couple of days and we read the sweetest words: “I've read your blog and it really touched me. Ever since I found out I was pregnant I never felt much like it was supposed to be mine. Please let me know if you can consider adopting my son. I know you will be a great choice.” We immediately felt so peaceful. We started emailing back and forth and building a relationship with her. We visited her a few weeks later and she immediately felt like family. About 3 months after she contacted us for the first time, she called us to let us know that the baby was going to be born that day. We jumped on the next flight and made it to the hospital a few hours after our sweet baby Lucas was born.

We spent time in the hospital with Julie and we met Lucas’ birthfather. We had a great time getting to know him and his family. We really cherished the time that we got to spend with Julie and Scottie and their families. When Lucas was 11 days old we flew home to Washington. We were so happy to be a family of 3!

Lucas is such a happy boy. We love being his parents! He is now 2 years old. We are now hoping to add another child to our family. We want him to be a big brother.

We have met with our caseworker and filled all the necessary paperwork and completed the background checks. We are now approved for adoption and looking for our next child! We are so excited for what the future will bring!

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." -Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin "Come What May, and Love It "

Friday, November 13, 2009

Empty cribs and hearts

Something devastating happened this week and it has been weighing on my mind all week. My cousin passed away. He was younger than I am. I haven't seen him since Thanksgiving at Grandma's three years ago. Through this tragedy, I have realized just how much I love my family, my entire family. My mother has 10 brothers and sisters, and so I have many, many cousins. I want to be with them and tell them how much I love them. And just cry with them. I tried to figure out a way to make it down there and support them, but it didn't work out. I love my family and am so happy to have the family I have. Tell those around you that you love them often. And find joy in the journey as President Monson says.

If there are people reading this, you may have noticed that I am supporting National Adoption Month by posting things about adoption. Today I am going to post something a little bit more personal; some of my feelings.

We put up the crib and did a few things to the baby's room recently. I don't know if this was a good idea or a bad idea. It is nice to have things in there to remind us that this is our goal. And maybe to exercise our faith that we will be parents. It is a reminder that there is an end in sight and that this is what we are hoping and praying for everyday. Some days I just have to shut the door and not look in there, because it stings that we have not been blessed with children, yet.

My heart yearns to be a mother. And although that is my #1 goal right now, our infertility and adoption status do not define me. These things weigh on my mind very frequently, but I am able to enjoy other things. I definitely cry more than I want to, but I am so happy. I feel so blessed and know that the blessings keep coming. The Lord has a plan for us and our little family. My family will be created by divine design. We plead with Heavenly Father daily that the birth mother of our child we be courageous and that she will be supported in her decision to place. We plead that she will be able to recognize us and know that we are the right family and we will know that that baby is the right baby. I know it will happen, and it will happen in the Lord's time. Our baby will come to us and fill that crib and our hearts.